Seinfeld: 30 George Costanza Relationships, Power-Ranked
For someone as aggressively unlikable as Seinfeld’s George Costanza, he sure went on a lot of dates. Most of his dalliances went up in flames (spoiler alert: He lied about something and the woman didn’t like it!), but a few of them had real long-term potential. Here then is ComedyNerd’s Power Ranking of thirty George Costanza relationships that had the best chance to go the distance.
CherylWhen the lawyer finds out George put Jerry up to a lie, she files for double damages in Elaine’s lawsuit and gets Babu Bhatt deported. That’s a bad breakup.
JaneJane comes to the Hamptons with George, but when she hears about his shrinkage, she drives herself home. Brutal.
RhisaShe’s his cousin, which isn’t a plus.
Mary AnneThe head of the New York Tourist Bureau believes George is visiting from Arkansas. Another relationship based on a lie, although this one gets him traded from the Yankees.
EvieAfter George has sex with the cleaning lady, she wants a relationship. George tries to get out of it by gifting her a white cashmere sweater. When it’s stained with a red dot, she rats out George to his boss and he’s fired.
Nina 1George suspects Nina, a model, has an eating disorder. She dumps him after he follows her into a public bathroom to find out if she’s vomiting lunch. For many people, this would be a new low. For George, it's Tuesday.
Related: Happy Birthday, Badass - August 1
AvaA coworker who appeared in multiple episodes, she propositions George to “make love to her” at a party on Long Island. The relationship is a nightmare for George -- since they are coworkers, every day at work is essentially a date.
RobinShe breaks up with George after he pushes everyone out of his way during a fire. Including her mother. And the clown.
BetsyShe broke up with George after her brother caught George double-dipping. Fair.
CarolGeorge declines her invitation to come up for coffee, only to realize she meant sex. Not a great match, but hey, she was euphemistically interested.
JulieThis relationship went south when Julie handed Elaine her big salad, even though George had paid for it. He’s mad that she received a thank-you under false pretenses. "George, all I did was hand someone a bag."
MarleneGeorge broke up with her because of her long answering machine messages. Hey, it was the 90s.
MonicaWannabe teacher Monica wants George to take an IQ test. To impress her, George gets Elaine to take the test for him. He’s busted, but no one ever said George was a genius.
AmandaWhen George meets her model friends, he dumps her. Not meant to be.
Nina 1She has to choose between Jerry and George, but all she really wants is a free trip to India.
Related: Happy Birthday, Badass - August 1
NoelleGeorge never had a hand in the relationship, but the reason she breaks it off? Elaine laughed at a Pez dispenser during her piano recital.
SienaSiena is fascinated with George’s views on the history of toilet paper. He confesses his love, which she ignores. When he thinks poor hearing was the reason, he tries again, and she reveals she heard him the first time. The dreaded double-friend-zone.
SylviaAnother promising relationship ruined by a lie. George impresses Sylvia by claiming his parents’ house as his own. You think Estelle is going to let George get away with that?
AdaGeorge hires Ada as his secretary because he’s not attracted to her but has sex with her anyway. Ada tells George Steinbrenner that George is a communist, but that gets him a job meeting Castro and scouting Cuban players. Grab me a few cigars while you're there, OK, George?
StacyA woman George was interested in while engaged to Susan. Not much came of it though she was impressed that he wrote a sitcom pilot. Who knows what could have been?
PatriceGeorge breaks up with Patrice for being too pretentious (and not knowing how to pronounce papier-mâché). She commits herself to an institution and George apologizes, leading to another date. Which, to be fair, is further than a lot of these relationships got.
TaraGeorge didn’t like it when Tara lit vanilla incense. But the sex was great when combined with a pastrami sandwich. Pass the hot mustard.
CynthiaThey have sex in George’s kitchen so there’s that.
SusanGeorge’s longest and most serious relationship, though definitely an off-and-on affair. The relationship loses points since George essentially killed her.
VivienThis friend of Elaine’s was attracted to George due to their mutual interest in cured meats and watching TV during sex. Marriages have been based on less.
JanetShe looks like George’s best pal Jerry and even uses his catchphrase, “That’s a shame.” This one had potential.
KarenGeorge was reasonably serious about Karen, evidenced by the way he’d clean the tub before she came over. He ultimately lost her after accusing her of a fake orgasm.
Marisa TomeiOh, what could have been. The only thing keeping them apart was his engagement to Susan, which earns him a sock in the eye. After she dies, George asks for another date -- which Tomei refuses after learning they haven’t even had the funeral yet.
AudreyPerfect except she needs a nose job. Perfect, we say!
VictoriaShe's the one! Victoria is extremely attracted to George's “do the opposite” technique, and her uncle gets George his dream job with the New York Yankees. Did we mention she’s Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister?
Pop the question, Costanza!
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