For someone as aggressively unlikable as Seinfeld’s George Costanza, he sure went on a lot of dates. Most of his dalliances went up in flames (spoiler alert:  He lied about something and the woman didn’t like it!), but a few of them had real long-term potential. Here then is ComedyNerd’s Power Ranking of thirty George Costanza relationships that had the best chance to go the distance.

Cheryl

When the lawyer finds out George put Jerry up to a lie, she files for double damages in Elaine’s lawsuit and gets Babu Bhatt deported. That’s a bad breakup.  

Jane

Jane comes to the Hamptons with George, but when she hears about his shrinkage, she drives herself home. Brutal.

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Rhisa

She’s his cousin, which isn’t a plus.

Evie

After George has sex with the cleaning lady, she wants a relationship.  George tries to get out of it by gifting her a white cashmere sweater. When it’s stained with a red dot, she rats out George to his boss and he’s fired.

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Tries to get out of a relationship, gets out of a job.

Nina 1

George suspects Nina, a model, has an eating disorder.  She dumps him after he follows her into a public bathroom to find out if she’s vomiting lunch. For many people, this would be a new low. For George, it's Tuesday.

Ava

A coworker who appeared in multiple episodes, she propositions George to “make love to her” at a party on Long Island. The relationship is a nightmare for George -- since they are coworkers, every day at work is essentially a date. 

Robin

She breaks up with George after he pushes everyone out of his way during a fire. Including her mother.  And the clown.

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Betsy

She broke up with George after her brother caught George double-dipping. Fair.

Carol

George declines her invitation to come up for coffee, only to realize she meant sex. Not a great match, but hey, she was euphemistically interested. 

Julie

This relationship went south when Julie handed Elaine her big salad, even though George had paid for it.  He’s mad that she received a thank-you under false pretenses. "George, all I did was hand someone a bag." 

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The rare relationship that dissolved over pettiness rather than a lie. Although there was also lying. 

Marlene

George broke up with her because of her long answering machine messages. Hey, it was the 90s. 

Monica

Wannabe teacher Monica wants George to take an IQ test. To impress her, George gets Elaine to take the test for him. He’s busted, but no one ever said George was a genius.

Amanda

When George meets her model friends, he dumps her. Not meant to be.

Noelle

George never had a hand in the relationship, but the reason she breaks it off?  Elaine laughed at a Pez dispenser during her piano recital.

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Come on, Tweety Bird, Pez dispensers are hilarious.

Siena

Siena is fascinated with George’s views on the history of toilet paper. He confesses his love, which she ignores. When he thinks poor hearing was the reason, he tries again, and she reveals she heard him the first time. The dreaded double-friend-zone.

Sylvia

Another promising relationship ruined by a lie. George impresses Sylvia by claiming his parents’ house as his own. You think Estelle is going to let George get away with that? 

Ada

George hires Ada as his secretary because he’s not attracted to her but has sex with her anyway. Ada tells George Steinbrenner that George is a communist, but that gets him a job meeting Castro and scouting Cuban players. Grab me a few cigars while you're there, OK, George?

Stacy

A woman George was interested in while engaged to Susan. Not much came of it though she was impressed that he wrote a sitcom pilot. Who knows what could have been?

Patrice

George breaks up with Patrice for being too pretentious (and not knowing how to pronounce papier-mâché).  She commits herself to an institution and George apologizes, leading to another date. Which, to be fair, is further than a lot of these relationships got.

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We'd break up over the hair chopsticks.

Tara

George didn’t like it when Tara lit vanilla incense. But the sex was great when combined with a pastrami sandwich. Pass the hot mustard.

Cynthia

They have sex in George’s kitchen so there’s that.  

Susan

George’s longest and most serious relationship, though definitely an off-and-on affair. The relationship loses points since George essentially killed her.

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Vivien

This friend of Elaine’s was attracted to George due to their mutual interest in cured meats and watching TV during sex. Marriages have been based on less.

Janet

She looks like George’s best pal Jerry and even uses his catchphrase, “That’s a shame.”  This one had potential.

Karen

George was reasonably serious about Karen, evidenced by the way he’d clean the tub before she came over. He ultimately lost her after accusing her of a fake orgasm.

Marisa Tomei

Oh, what could have been.  The only thing keeping them apart was his engagement to Susan, which earns him a sock in the eye.  After she dies, George asks for another date -- which Tomei refuses after learning they haven’t even had the funeral yet.

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Audrey

Perfect except she needs a nose job. Perfect, we say!

Victoria

She's the one!  Victoria is extremely attracted to George's “do the opposite” technique, and her uncle gets George his dream job with the New York Yankees. Did we mention she’s Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister?  

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Winner winner Monk's Diner dinner!

Pop the question, Costanza! 

For more ComedyNerd, be sure to check out:

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The Office: 3 Hidden Secrets of the Dundies

Are Comedians The Only Arena Rock Stars Left?

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