Dungeons and Dragons is the most important game of our time, because it reveals who we really are. It’s been at the center of satanic controversies, red hot TV shows, and many a game night with friends. But now it’s time to take a break from harassing those poor NPC’s and look inward. Most D&D players have a favorite class that they return to again and again as they make new characters; partially because the game’s hyper complex rules take time to master, partially because they like the playstyle. But mostly? Because of who they are at their core. We’re breaking down every official D&D class (even the new ones!) and what they say about you as a person. Today we’ve got the first three in alphabetical order. Gird your loins folks, you’re going to need a constitution saving throw to handle our analysis.

Wizards of the Coast

A steaming pile of steampunk.

Artificer: 

The good. You’re a team player. You want to be helpful and enjoy learning. Your curiosity serves you well. The people who rely on you would say you have a growth mindset. You also have a sense of humor that may not be for everyone, but makes your closest friends and party members laugh harder than anyone else.

The bad. Honestly, what are you even doing in this game? You came all the way to a world of magic and mythical beasts and you want to invent machines? You know that’s what Saruman did in LotR right? You want to play with guns? Seriously? People respect you but don’t necessarily like you.

Wizards of the Coast

Zaddy? Is zat you?

Barbarian:

The good. Congrats, you’re insanely hot. Even if you don’t think you’re hot, you are. Maybe especially if you don’t think you’re hot. You probably believe in some kind of higher power, whether it’s the universe or the gods, you feel there are purposeful forces at work and feel connected to them. 

The bad. People can be intimidated by you, if not for your physicality, then some part of your personality. You can be arrogant to the point of hurting other people’s feelings. You were sheltered in some way as a child which leads you to express your wild, chaotic side through barbarian role-playing.

Wizards of the Coast

Um, we're in combat. We don't really want to hear your tight five right now.

Bard:

The good. Well you’re definitely not an introvert. You already know you’re a natural born performer. You’ve got friends who love you and you’re one of the first people that comes to mind when they’re making a guest list for a party. You’ve always felt just a tiny bit apart from society, which suits you just fine. You’re happy to comment on all the goings on while remaining above the fray. This also means you’re pretty good at code switching and fitting in with different groups, even if you never feel like they totally “get you”.

The bad. Yikes. Honey, baby, sweet child: you can be really full of yourself. Confidence is one thing but maybe if everyone around you is telling you something you should listen. Maybe? As good as you are at talking to people, sometimes you majorly mis-read a room. You’re a theatre kid, we get it. Your insecurities come off as trying too hard to impress. You joke at inappropriate times because you're afraid of being vulnerable. Sorry beautiful songster, we’re just telling it like it is.

Now, some of you out there are probably going to disagree with us. But this metric is just as scientifically valid as Myers-Briggs.

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