It’s pizza week at Cracked. We were very hungry when thinking of this week’s theme.

Before we tell you about Milo John Reese's plan to assassinate Fidel Castro using pizza, we need to tell you about the time he faked his death to smear Nevada brothels.

In the '90s, Reese was the director of a group called Nevada Against Prostitution. In 1992, we see records of him writing to newspapers asking them to stop accepting sex work ads. In 1996, reports cover him picketing STD clinics with his (adult) children, claiming the state was covering up brothel employees testing positive. On November 7, 1999, he told his wife he was going to Reno's Old Bridge Ranch brothel, which is an unusual thing for a man to admit to his wife, but he said he was going for an anti-prostitution meeting. Old Bridge said he never showed up. Police found his car nearby, the window smashed and blood on the seats. 

Perhaps, said police, some pimp had murdered him. They searched for his body, using dogs and a helicopter. Then they discovered someone in Sacramento was withdrawing money from his bank account, and a week later, Reese popped back into town. It had all been a publicity stunt, he revealed. Police prepared to arrest him then discovered that it's not actually a crime to bleed in your car and break the window. They did bill him eight grand for the chopper and the dogs, however.

Two years later, Reese had another crusade: Fidel Castro. The man was "the world's greatest bastard," said Reese, and someone needed to take him out. True, the CIA had tried and failed to assassinate him, but Reese had something they didn't—experience delivering pizzas. He would show up at Castro's door delivering a pizza, lower his defenses, then kidnap the man. 

So he went to Florida Keys Marathon Airport and stole a four-seater plane. He flew south and did make it to Cuba. But he crash-landed on a beach outside Havana, and the authorities there took him into custody before he could continue his otherwise-foolproof plan. They treated him well ("like a king," Reese would later say), then they turned him over to the United States, who put him in prison for six months. 

He stole that plane on July 31, 2001. Later in 2001, America permanently tightened its airport security, and we can only assume this was in response to Milo John Reese.

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For more Castro plots, check out:

The 5 Most Ridiculous Assassination Plots Ever Attempted

5 Ridiculous Cold War Myths You Learned in History Class

If A Landmark Space Mission Failed, The U.S. Was Going To Blame It On Fidel Castro

Follow Ryan Menezes on Twitter for more stuff no one should see. 

Top image: Vandrad/Wiki Commons

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