Gifts Your Girlfriend Won't Hate
This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
We all have those people in our lives who are impossible to shop for. They know exactly what they want, but society has conditioned them not to just come out and say it, so they can only vaguely hint at what it might be and when they finally open your present, they immediately say, "Ohhhhh thank youuuuu did you get a gift receipt?" Well, not this year, partner. Slam dunk that gift receipt into the recycling bin because any of these goodies (on sale now) will get the job done on the first try.
Food & Wine
Astrology Wine Glasses, $26.99 (reg. $29)
If you keep getting told that you're "such a Virgo" (notorious bad gift givers), take it as a sign to pick up these crystal stemless glasses adorned with your recipient's constellation as well as the names of the associated stars with the other 11 laid out across the glass. Bonus: You'll never be accused of not knowing her birthday again.
Artestia Electric Fondue Set, $79.99 (reg. $119)
Fact: No one hates fondue. It's basically fancy cheese dip -- what more could you want? This set comes with an adjustable 1,500W 2.6-quart melting pot, a 1-quart ceramic pot, and eight color-coded forks so you can whip up a classy date night on the fly that also involves gorging on cheese.
VogDUO Premium Leather Stand for Smartphone, $49.99 (reg. $59)
If, like everyone, your girlfriend hate selfie videos yet can't stop FaceTiming and TikToking, give her an elegant place to lay her phone while she records so she can at least feel bougie about it.
Wireless Charging Dock for iPhone, Apple Watch, & AirPods, $101.99 (reg. $146)
If your girlfriend regularly takes up all of the outlets in the apartment, then this one is actually for you. This clever pad can charge an iPhone, Apple Watch, and AirPods all at once.
"Love You To The Moon And Back" Original Moon Lamp, $47 (reg. $55)
Of course, it would be absurdly impractical to literally love someone to the moon and back, but you can lie about your willingness to do with this meticulously crafted piece made with the very latest high-quality NASA satellite images. You almost definitely won't get called out on it.
Interactive Cloud Lamp, $629.99 (reg. $690)
Wouldn't it be cool to chill under a sky full of clouds bursting with electricity without the prospect of getting killed or, worse, wet? Take that cloudy night inside with this interactive lamp that uses app control to create a wide variety of moody lighting effects. Miley Cyrus has one. It's dope.
Beauty & Jewelry
Maya J Personalized Large Initial Brass White Necklace, $19.99 (reg. $38)
Maya J's jewelry was one of Oprah's Favorite Things, so you know your girlfriend will go gaga when you tell her she's wearing a Maya J "K" around her neck, provided that her name starts with a K. If it doesn't, get a different letter, unless she likes to be confusing, which is also a valid aesthetic choice.
Liberex FC2660 OLED Screen Cordless Water Flosser, $24.99 (reg. $36)
She won't tell you, because ew, but your girlfriend hates flossing. Everyone does. That means she probably doesn't do it enough and she's worried that that makes her gross or the dentist is judging her (they are). This high-powered water flosser will put her fears at ease without even needing to divulge them to you, and really, isn't that what love is all about?
6-in-1 Electric Manicure/Pedicure Set, $50.99 (reg. $59)
Well-groomed nails are a requirement for proper adulthood, but man, those trips to even that little salon in the strip mall on the seedy side of town add up fast. This set makes DIY manicures and pedicures easy with eight adjustable speed settings, six professional attachments, and full knowledge of exactly when it was last cleaned.
kathy ireland GemSpa, $54.99 (reg. $69)
Dishwashers are magic -- you can clean just about anything in that bad boy. Toys? Yup. Potatoes? Surprisingly. Your children? Probably! With this innovative box, your girl can safely throw her jewelry in there, too. She's probably been putting off cleaning it because it's such a pain, so make it easy and stop holding a hand full of crusty rings.
Cortex 1,200W Beauty Breeze Dryer Brush, $49.99 (reg. $249)
If you're not the sort of person to flip your long, luxurious hair all over the place, allow us to enlighten you on the godsend that is the dryer brush. To achieve that perfect salon-quality finish, people used to have to juggle a blow dryer in one hand and a brush in the other. No more! If your gorgeous hair-haver hasn't taken the plunge yet and/or keeps complaining about sore arms, this ionic-charged brush will change her life. Seriously, its inventor deserves a Nobel Prize.
Mouth Armor Sonic Toothbrush with Cordless Water Flosser & Travel Case, $69.95 (reg. $279)
Some girlfriends, on the other hand, are just plain practical. This kit that includes an elite sonic toothbrush, a water flosser, and a travel case is the perfect oral hygiene kit for anyone who does a lot of traveling, so if you know your girlfriend doesn't want more "stuff," then just make her travels a bit less stressful.
Greenaholics 3" Succulent Ceramic Planter Pots (Pack of 3), $18.99 (reg. $23)
If she's a sucker for succulents, she'll love these cylinder plant pots. They make perfect decorative homes for mini succulents, small cacti, or herbs so she can indulge her green thumb and interior decorating sense at the same time.
Humbird Bone-Conducting Speaker, $44.95 (reg. $74)
Funded on Kickstarter, the HumBird is the world's smallest and most versatile bone conduction speaker. Place this baby on just about anything, and it turns sound into a mechanical vibration of different frequencies, leveraging the effects of the different materials it's resting on. She could put it on her bike helmet, bedside table, bra strap, basically anywhere.
Gotek Wireless Charging Music Station, $46.95 (reg. $59)
Let the Gotek Music Station spice up a boring bedside table (which, let's face it, is all of them) with a built-in FM radio and alarm, Bluetooth streaming, and a Qi-enabled smartphone charger. Think about how much crap that allows her to clear off that thing. If there's anything girlfriends hate, it's crap.
Prices are subject to change.