'The Bachelorette' Just Did 'Seinfeld's 'The Contest'
There couldn't be two franchises more different than Seinfeld, America's all-time greatest sitcom, and The Bachelor, America's all-time greatest shame. One's a comedy, and the other is … well, pretty much a comedy at this point. Okay, but one is about a single man dating loads of women in rapid succession and disqualifying them at the drop of a hat, and the other is … hmm, these two might be more similar than we realized.
And last week, the two got even closer as The Bachelorette decided to recreate a Seinfeld classic by asking the men to be masters of their own domain. We're talking, of course, about Seinfeld's "The Contest" in which Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer each challenge the others to see who can hold out the longest without "indulging."
The Bachelorette had a slightly different spin on the concept. Rather than compete against each other, the men were simply asked to stay hands-free for only one week in what The Bachelorette producers dubbed a WOWO or a "week off whack off." It was unclear what would have happened if one of the men failed the challenge, but judging by how terrified these guys looked, the range of possibilities seemed to run from being sent home to having their noses rubbed in it.
Clearly, this is a group of men that is used to cumming on the regular (with the obvious exception of Mike the virgin who seems so used to being celibate that we wonder if he even touches his dick to pee), so we knew it wouldn't be easy. But what made it so weird was that the request (supposedly) came from Katie. Isn't this the woman who's made "sex-positive" into her own catchphrase? Isn't this the woman who values the practice of masturbation so dearly that she brought a dildo onto the last season of The Bachelor?
It feels like a double standard. We say let the blokes get in their strokes. But morality aside, the smart money says Blake broke almost immediately.
Other takeaways from Week 6:
Speaking of Seinfeld, what was the deal with that "debate" segment?
Didn't it seem like this was supposed to be a roast? Why did we end up with another tattle session and Greg reading a poem? Wouldn't it have been great if someone at least shouted, "Hey Greg, nice poem. I wrote you another one. It's called 'the chode not taken.'" Or something better. This is why we need Margaret Cho back for the comedy dates.
And, alas, we say farewell to Cat Guy. But it seems the old adage remains. No matter how charming your jokes or how many tunes you can crank out on your keyboard, no one can survive showing up on night one dressed as a furry. We wish it weren't so. Conner looked like a sweet dude, and the cat costume was almost definitely a producer pitch rather than his own, but that's how Bachelor Ball goes. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand, and almost always, you get dealt mixed metaphors.
Top Image: ABC/Hulu