Before Apple became the number one technology brand in the homes of America, the company briefly dabbled in the fashion part of branding by launching an entire clothing line that screamed both “‘80s!” and “My Dad Owns A Dozen Sailboats.”



Or, in this case, a dozen private jets.


“Our yacht comes with a tennis court. We never use it, lol.”

Apparently going for an “Abercrombie & Fitch But Like, Hip Sometimes” aesthetic, The Apple Collection apparel line was launched in 1986, a year after Steve Jobs left, because he most definitely had nothing to do with this colorful display of golf shirts and popped collars. Needless to say, the line wasn't a big hit. The company clearly tried to have fun with this gimmick and not take it too seriously, but the amount of Dad caps involved is just borderline obsessive.


The Apple Dad Cap: For men who’ll stare you down as they contemplate whether human skin could make for cool belts.

The catalog for this “My Dad Bought Me An Island When I Was Five” fashion line came with unintended hilarity in the form of the write-ups. The polo shirts were described as “perfect for the courts or the club” because nothing is more fashionable than doing the Electric Slide on a dance floor while wearing your sweat-stained sports shirt. Another one stated that “after a rough day windsurfing, the Apple sweatshirt is just the thing.” Yes, after a day of sea and sun some people simply can’t wait to put on clothes. It truly is the highlight of the day.


“Can't wait to put on MY SWEATSHIIIIRT!”

It’s such a different vibe from Apple’s aesthetic as we know it today. Sure, they nailed the target market as the range is so obviously meant for people who spend most of their time on their boats playing with expensive toys while other people use actual computers to make their money for them. That and, considering the logo on some of those T-shirts, the fashion range also catered to young people who always dreamed of being in The Mickey Mouse Club.


“Please. Our dads paid them to cast us. We got high and sailed to Belize instead.”

Apple has never really had any good non-tech fashion opinions. Jobs famously got booed off stage by his own workers for suggesting a mandatory uniform consisting of a nylon jacket with those zip-off sleeves that you can turn into a vest — possibly proving that Dad haute couture has always been strong over at Apple. 

Zanandi judges everyone’s fashion over at Twitter. Follow her.

Top Image: Apple  


Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.


Forgot Password?