5 Dumbest Stories Of Crypto Affecting Gaming

Cryptocurrencies are wreaking havok on economies and the environment, but did you also know what they're doing to video gaming?
5 Dumbest Stories Of Crypto Affecting Gaming

A lot has been written about cryptocurrencies. By now, you're either aware that they're mostly idiotic Monopoly monies that ruin the environment, or you're aware of that but put a lot of money into them regardless. Either way, you're less likely to know just how much more insane the gaming industry is getting because of them ...

The Crypto Doctrine Is A Very Realistic Art Thief Simulator

Just how fast is the crypto-train moving? It's not just shitty game companies peddling their own cryptocurrency in the form of in-game currency. They're already making games that serve as straight-up fronts for Non-Fungible Token markets.

In case you didn't think the new trend of artists selling NFTs was dumb enough already, better strap in. A game developer has created The Crypto Doctrine, a seemingly neat game where players assume the role of an NFT enthusiast who buys and steals NFTs from other players who share the same poor taste.

The concept is especially great for competitive players, as no one will ever hold all pieces of art because everyone is always stealing from everyone else, and the pieces are all unique. It's just like the real thing … Because that's what they are. Yeah, the "NFTs" in the game are actual NFTs, and you're not playing as a thief; you're committing actual theft

Also, the art pieces in the game turned out to be art that the dev just took from numerous artists and decided to sell in NFT format without asking for consent.

A Game Based Its Crypto Economy On Actual Black Markets

Platforms like Valve's Steam and Activision Blizzard's Battle.net have long been aware that black markets are a shitty thing and have done all they could to eradicate them. Black markets ruin in-game economies, infamously create shady jobs where people are subjected to awful working conditions, and, possibly worst of all, helped give birth to Steve Bannon.

Valve and Activision are some of the biggest and most successful video game companies in history, so Active Games, the devs behind mobile RPG Lordmancer 2, thought that the best course of action would be to do exactly the opposite of what they're doing. So, AG devised an economy straight-up based on replicating the shadiest elements of video game black markets. And, on top of that, Lordmancer 2's economy runs not on fake video game currency but on fake human currency. Yes, Lordmancer wants players to earn and use the company's very own cryptocurrency: Lord Coin. Aptly named after the definitely not-dead feudal system.

Lordmancer 2

Active Games

Plus, it looks like every free mobile game ever, so you know it has to be good. 

A Legitimate YouTuber Plugs A Company Co-Founded By A Malware Dude To His Audience

In March of 2021, Linus Tech Tips, a once anti-crypto-mining tech channel on YouTube, posted a jolly video sponsored by crypto company NiceHash. Crypto partnerships usually sound like deals with the devil, but even more so when it's a pretty influential channel amongst gamers partnering up with a crypto company whose security had already been hilariously undermined by hackers. People tweeted their disappointment and concern, to which Linus replied with an apology that's somehow both the bare minimum and still somehow too large to fit inside a regular tweet.

In defense of NiceHash, they did get hacked, sure, but they didn't get hacked a single time since the last time they got hacked. Also, maybe they really were into "sustainable" mining. That's totally a thing people buy top-of-the-line hardware to do. Oh yeah, also, maybe we shouldn't have left out the part about NiceHash's co-founder, Matjaz Skorjanc, being an evil Morpheus-like figure who in 2010 got arrested after developing the Mariposa botnet. It's one of the most infectious malwares ever and responsible for the hijacking of over 12 million computers for, you guessed it, all sorts of cyberscams.

Mining Bitcoins But Make It Hot

One of the clearest giveaways that there's something messed up about cryptocurrency mining is how quickly it's literally burning through the worldwide stock of graphics cards. You can say the one good thing about crypto-miners is that they aren't in it for the long con. They're destroying the environment right now, so they need money to spend right now, damnit! They're pushing these cards to their limits, which takes up a lot of energy. Said energy will generate heat capable of invert-alchemize a graphics processing unit into a nice slab of coal if the heat isn't transferred away. 

Aware of this, "thoughtful" hardware companies have created wall-mounted rigs that slap together a radiator to two graphics processing units to allow their owners to extract that sweet Ethereum while heating up their home, instead of just the planet.

According to its makers, the thingamajig should be able to score you about $100 a month, provided that the currency you're mining doesn't crash and burn and that you're lucky about the machine's power usage ... Which the company has yet to mention. (Seems like an important detail.)

Did Cryptocurrencies Reignite Sega's Internal Conflict?

Sony usually bears the title of "Segaslayer" in the console wars, but such an honor should be shared with another company: Sega. 

Like most gaming giants from Japan, Sega created a US branch to help conquer America's video game market. It started out great, then went downhill, and not because Sega of America sucked, but because they were so good, they made old Sega jealous. It's common knowledge that Sega got destroyed by Sony, but that could have been avoided. Twice. First, when Sony announced the PlayStation, and Sega of Japan panicked and forced a botched US launch of the Sega Saturn that could in no way compete. 

A system that you forgot existed until right now.

Second, a generation later, when Japan nixed the plans to equip the Dreamcast with an awesome 3dfx graphics chip picked by the American branch. 

For nearly a decade, that rift was thought dead (mainly because Sega was dead as a console creator), but if there's one thing we can thank the crypto craze for, it's for showing it's seemingly as alive as ever.

Most distrust towards crypto stems mostly from the fact ... of ... well, almost everything about it. That's particularly interesting when the same company can't come to terms with it, with Sega of America vehemently promoting environmental initiatives …

… while Sega of Japan is straight-up turning their classic properties into NFTs to make fat bucks out of them.

Which is enough to make us take back half of the things we said about Konami's pachinko machine BS.

Top Image: Sega

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