'Buffalo Head Guy' Reportedly Hasn't Eaten Since Capitol Attack Arrest, Citing Lack Of Organic Jail Food
On today's episode of absurd insurgent entitlement, it turns out that ridiculous requests along the lines of "no red M&Ms" aren't only reserved for rockstars or, well, allegedly world-famous drag queens. It seems one rioter who reportedly participated in Wednesday's deadly act of domestic terrorism can also have a diva-esque demand -- all from the comfort of their jail cell. Jake Angeli a.k.a. Jacob Chansley, a.k.a. the buffalo head-clad "QAnon Shaman" who was arrested on Saturday for his involvement in last week's capitol siege is now on a hunger strike -- not to further a political cause, but because prison food apparently isn't organic, Complex reported. Since being taken into custody, Angeli, who now faces several charges including disorderly conduct and violent entry, has allegedly refused to eat anything at the Arizona detention center where he is being held, at least according to Martha Chansley, Angeli's mother and potential roommate.
"He gets very sick if he doesn't eat organic food," Ms.Chansley told reporters of her 33-year-old son's tummy troubles. "He needs to eat." To paraphrase several of his likely comrades, that sure as heck sounds like some snowflake behavior.
But of course, Angeli, who over the past six days has become a poster child for violent, rioting yahoos, is no ordinary inmate and therefore, is entitled to the white-glove incarceration experience once thought to be reserved for famous felons like Martha Stewart and good ol' Aunt Becky. After Judge Deborah Fine learned of Angeli's non-organic hunger strike, which she said she found "deeply concerning," she ordered his public defender to work with the U.S. Marshal's Office in finding a suitable menu for the insurgent's refined palate. "We will abide by the judge's orders," The District of Arizona's U.S. Marshal told Phoenix ABC News affiliate, ABC15.
The move to provide Angeli with organic meals comes as the United States' justice system continues to shrug off consistent reports of incarcerated people reported growing disproportionately ill with food-borne sicknesses like Clostridium perfringens and Salmonella, after consuming regular prison chow, according to The Atlantic.
So readers, remember -- If you want to avoid a bad case of food poisoning if you ever find yourself behind bars, try getting arrested for partaking in a deadly act of domestic terrorism at our nation's Capitol instead of, well, taking $50 from a bakery 35 years earlier or, allegedly stealing a backpack at age 16, without seeing your day in court. The U.S. Justice System -- works great if you're white!
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