With the Christmas holidays on the horizon, let's not forget the true reason for the season, our holy savior: John McClane. While a lot of us may not be able to see family this year or visit a mall Santa Claus without a plastic sneeze guard in place, at least we can all still watch Die Hard, the 1988 blockbuster that we definitively proved was a Christmas movie back in 2018, no further questions.

But as awesome as the original movie is, the sequels are generally ... not so great. The first two have their moments, to be sure, but the fourth and fifth entries in the series are as bland and forgettable as Bruce Willis' singing career. But one recent Die Hard story, while not perfect, is at least admirably bonkers; the 2018 graphic novel A Million Ways to Die Hard, about a haggard, over-the-hill McClane who looks nothing like Willis, presumably for legal reasons.

Judging by the expression, one of the ways is "shitting your pants." 

The book is also set at Christmastime, 30 years to the day since the original film. McClane finds himself up against a mysterious villain from his past, who blows-up Nakatomi Plaza in the opening pages.

The unfortunately-named "Moviefone" is a serial killer who patterns his crimes off of classic films like Raiders of the Lost ArkSeven Samurai, and ... From Hell? The crappy Johnny Depp movie?

And we'd be remiss if we didn't mention that the comic seems to suggest that Moviefone's dad killed Bruce Wayne's parents, meaning that Die Hard is secretly a part of the Batman universe.

Things just get zanier from there. Like "John McClane tracks the killer to Norman Bates' Psycho house and battles the shark from Jaws" levels of zany.

Is it perfect? No. Is it good? We're ... still not sure. But at least, unlike the PG-13-rated Die Hard movies of the 21st century, the book is filled with F-bombs and bloodshed. And, really, isn't that what Christmas is all about?

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter! And check out the podcast Rewatchability

Top Image: 20th Century Studios

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