The border between the U.S. and Canada border has been closed since March, bad news to Tim Horton's lovers, Hockey fans, and those who are definitely aren't lying about having a girlfriend living in the great white north. With strict rules regarding who can enter the country and a tight quarantine policy, Canada is officially harder to get into than Berghain in its heyday, the 238 sexless days constituting the dry spell of a lifetime for frustrated couples (myself and my wonderful partner of 5 years included).
Yet, like all good things in life, some probably very horny couples found a loophole to bypass the safety regulations, erecting (pun intended) tent cities in the middle of the U.S. section of Peace Arch Park, allowing them to reunite without having the deal with the hassles of quarantine policies, angering local residents.
"Require QUARANTINE and stop the contraband," wrote user @J_Anderson66 alongside pictures of the tents, tagging Canada Border Services Agency, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Canada's Deputy Prime Minister, and the President of Canada's Border Services Agency. "They are not all just playing cards in those tents!"
"And what exactly is going on in the tents?" replied @GeneralLee44 "I'm sure the 6 foot distance rule is not being applied!!"
However, it seems the tents are for more than just hooking up. "Multiple gatherings are happening routinely -- including reunions, birthday parties, and even weddings," Canadian resident John Kageorge told Vancouver is Awesome of the illicit meet-ups. "It is more dangerous than I have ever seen it. It's a ridiculous loophole."
British Columbia's Provincial Health Officer, Bonnie Henry says that although she's heard several complaints about the tents, she says she hasn't heard of anyone contracting Covid-19 from the park. "There are people who monitor that park, the border itself is a federal jurisdiction and I know that they have enhanced patrols in that area," she explained.
So what, exactly, are the logistics of this loophole? "Canadians and Americans who enter the park and return to the country from which they entered the park have technically not made entry to the other country and therefore are not processed by immigration authorities," Jason Givens, a spokesperson for Canadian Border Protection, told the publication.
Although a pretty massive national security risk, who can entirely blame these couples? As we've pretty much all learned throughout quarantine, eight-month dry spells will make you do crazy things. To paraphrase Rose in Titanic, it sure as Hell feels like it's been 84 years.
For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson and on Twitter @TennesAnyone. If you're the aforementioned wonderful partner, thanks for reading my stuff, ur awesome. Also, Dicks Sporting Goods is having a sale on tents rn ... just putting that out there ...