Nicolas Cage has had a film career as diverse and wide-spanning as his eye twitches. He has gone from Oscar-winning dramas like Leaving Las Vegas to straight-to-DVD action junk like bad-mustache movie Arsenal …

All the way down to (re-booted) Christian apocalypse porn like Left Behind.

But so far, Cage (and his tax debt) have managed to stave off the very bottom of the bad movie barrel. Not just cheap video game adaptations, but unlicensed ripoffs of cheap video game adaptations. Until now.

Willy's Wonderland (originally called Wally's Wonderland, but you don't cast Nic Cage and still pretend to be subtle) is an upcoming horror movie set in an off-brand Chuck E. Cheese parlor. Cage plays a "quiet drifter " tricked into a janitorial job at the now condemned Willy's Wonderland. The mundane tasks suddenly become an all-out fight for survival against wave after wave of demonic animatronics." And you can almost hear a conversation Cage and a coked-out producer had about how "hot Westworld is right now."  

Screen Media Films
Don't blame him. Being snowblind is a contract requirement for working with Mr. Cage. 

Willy's Wonderland's director Kevin Lewis compares his debut to "Pale Rider vs. Killer Klowns from Outer Space," but really, it's Five Nights At Freddy's vs. Copyright Infringement. 

The official movie adaptation of that game, which popularized the Chuck E. Cheese horror subgenre, was set to be released earlier this year but got pushed back. Not due to the pandemic eviscerating the movie industry like an animatronic demon weasel pulling out the spine of a skeeball cheater, but because the script was such pizza puke garbage, it had to be rewritten from scratch. So now, 2021 will be the year of competing creepy animatronic cuddle buddy movies; one officially licensed and painstakingly rewritten, one over-the-top violent one starring Nicolas Cage with ridiculous facial hair.

For more creepily cutesy tangents, do follow Cedric on Twitter

Top Image: Screen Media Films

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