5 Dumb Goofy Ways To Beat Super Hard Video Game Bosses
Oh, you've just beaten the hardest raid of *insert name of hard game here* by yourself? That's *insert dishonest praise*! But did you know there's usually an easier and certainly more hilarious way of beating hard bosses that the developers surely didn't intend? Well then, here's your golden ticket to cheese town ...
Turn Sekiro's Bosses Into Lemmings
It's been almost 10 years since Dark Souls first brought about the "Goddamn you! I hate you! Goddamn, I hate you!" difficulty setting in video games. However, players have since gone from soiling their pants just thinking about bosses, to successfully weaponizing their poop against them.
Just when players thought they had it all figured out From Software released Sekiro, which is probably Japanese for "Darkest Souls." Sekiro is usually even harder than Dark Souls, but players found an unlikely ally: Cliff.
No, Cliff is not the entirely out of place Western hero you'd find in a Hollywood Asian film, but an actual cliff that can devour bosses and crap them to their doom. All players have to do is take a little detour, climb a tower, make a jump atop a wall and then wait for the boss. The boss won't see them, but their pathing will be set in a way that'll prompt the boss to commit suicide out of loneliness or shame.
Say, "Hi," and "Bye," to Gyoubu Oniwa, the first supposedly dangerous boss in the game:
The player isn't even anywhere near the cliff, so it's not an action movie moment where the hero gloriously jumps aside at the last second and tricks the villain into his death. Both the boss and his horse seem completely pretty confident in just diving into the void of nothingness. The use of the cliff's help isn't a one-time trick either, as that same area is later re-used for a fight. This time, it's not against an early dunce, but one of the game's hardest bosses, the Demon Of Hatred, who also completely misses out on the gravity of the situation.
Make Use Of The Elderly's Weaknesses In Bloodborne
One of Bloodborne's mightiest foes is Father Gascoigne, an old ass hunter who turns into an even worse pain in the ass as soon as players think they've gotten him figured out. Luckily, someone found out his biggest weakness is one shared with geriatrics of the real world: regular stairs.
Instead of beating up an old man and looking like a total asshole in the process, players can just make it look like an accident. All they have to do is lure Gascoigne halfway up the stairs, and make him fall off. It might take some work to get the angle right, but we already know the elderly need and deserve our patience. Once he's set, you can even Spartan kick him.
And it looks great.
It also leaves no evidence, because instead of tumbling down the stairs, Gascoigne's fallen straight through the game's code and can't get up. Not detecting the old man anymore, the game just concedes the player his victory. That either happens because the game isn't all that well coded, or because the developers actually took measures to prevent elder abuse. We'll never know which one.
How To Boss Around A Boss In Divinity: Original Sin II
Divinity: Original Sin II allows for some truly divine exploits, like rupturing an enemy's tendons, causing them to lose health every time they move, then turning them into a chicken -- the most humiliating, but also the most mobile animal in the game -- to run to their demise.
That's fun, sure, but when it comes to bosses, you'll need to pull out the big guns. And what's a bigger gun to pull than another boss?
That's precisely what Divinity player l2dusk did when they teleported the Witch boss over to Grog, the troll. Grog, like all trolls, is supposed to defend a bridge when he's not busy at his real job on the Internet. He's good not just at gatekeeping against humans, but from other monsters as well. The Witch won't have any of that Monty Python bullshit, a crime which she ends up paying for with her life. It's not just practical and hilarious, it's also proof that an R-rated live-action reboot of Pokemon could work. (Just kidding, please that's the last thing we need).
We'll let Ken Watanabe sum up our feelings on the matter:
The Saboteur Tells You That You Should Beat Nazis Through Racing
The Saboteur is a mostly forgotten game that deserves a little more appreciation for many reasons, but especially for being the first to allow players to attempt the "kill baby Hitler" scenario.
The Saboteur plays much like GTA in WW2 occupied France. You play as a car mechanic trying to foil the Nazis by rigging cars with bombs and stuff, but also finding some spare time to race against some Nazis.
The final mission of the game sees our hero killing big shot Nazi on top of a tower, but not before having to endure a hell of a lot of trouble.
"Wouldn't be great to cut through all that bullshit and get straight to the happy dead Nazis ending?" is a proposition that the developers didn't consider, but one that the game allows for through three insane coincidences.
As it turns out, one of the guys you race against early on is the final boss before he's risen in the ranks of Nazidom. Also, it just so happens that there's a glitch allowing for players to rig their regular racing car with machine guns like a murderous Batmobile. As soon as the race starts, you can make some Nazi Swiss cheese out of that proto-fuhrer.
Despite the game not expecting that character to be killable before the story's conclusion, his life is still bound to the end credits, so as soon as you kill him, the game is over. What's supposed to be an hours-long affair turns into a 15-minute literal drive in the park. Excellent job sabotaging Nazis and timelines.
Home Alone The Hell Out Of Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic's Final Boss
In Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, players are pitted against Darth Malak, a guy so badass his jawline is literally made out of steel. He's a master when it comes to both the force and lightsabers. (Shitty Pictionary partner though.) Even if you spent enough time grinding to be stronger than he is when you reach the final battle, he's still a worthy foe due to his collection of comatose Jedi -- who he can drain health and power from.
Good thing you don't have to worry about any of that. Before the fight starts, the game allows you to roam around the final arena. You can use that time plant a mine; in fact, you can place as many mines as you want to in the exact same spot, say ... more than enough to kill anything in the game. As soon as the duel starts, all players need to do is run away from the boss while sabotaging all of the comatose Jedi pods, then lure him into the mines, where he gets blown up worse than if his name was Darth Deathstar.
It's a hilariously quick demise, yet still less anti-climatic than Rise Of Skywalker.
Top image: Sony Computer Entertainment