Tell Us Now: 15 Early Memes That Spread Far And Wide Without The Internet

Every generation thinks they invented The Cool S

Authors: By Cracked Readers, Jesse
Published: July 23, 2021
Comments: 9

PICTOFACT

Fatter Than Babe Ruth: 14 Hall-of-Fame Athlete Cameos on The Simpsons

Game on with these 15 Simpsons cameos by America’s favorite athletes.

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: July 23, 2021
Comments: 1

The Scientific Travesty Inspired By Ronald Reagan's Idiotic '50s B-Comedy

Ph.Ds are no less immune to the corrupting influence of movies than anyone else.

Authors: By Nathan Williams
Published: July 23, 2021
Comments: 0

4 Strange Ways Hollywood Thinks About Boobs And Weiners (VIDEO)

Hollywood just can't quite grasp boobs and weiners.

Authors: By Jordan Breeding
Published: July 23, 2021
Comments: 0

Purchase Of Vidme Turns Embeds On 'Respectable' Sites Big-Time Spicy

Authors: By Carly Tennes
Published: July 23, 2021
Comments: 1

Bizarro Tales Of Incredible Customer Service

By:: Adam Wears

May 24, 2020

Bizarro Tales Of Incredible Customer Service

Although you'd be forgiven for thinking that customer service standards have slipped in the last couple of years, there are still those that go above and beyond. Then there are those that go ABOVE AND BEYOND above and beyond to help ...

4A Tech Support Rep Helped a Group of Marines Fix a Sniper Rifle (In the Middle of a Warzone)

You know Murphy's Law; that rule about how if something can go wrong, it will? Well, we'd like to propose a variation where if something can go wrong, it won't just go wrong -- it'll go wrong at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way. We're talking about those times when your car runs reliably for years ... only for your engine to die while you're driving to an interview. We're talking about those times when you need to send an important email ... and a blackout hits your neighborhood. We're talking about those times when you're getting shot at by a group of insurgents ... and your gun decides to break.

Okay, that last one admittedly doesn't happen to most people. Still, it sure as hell happened to a group of Marines who discovered in the middle of a firefight, that their unit's Godkiller weapon -- a .50 caliber Barrett M107 -- had decided to hell with war and abruptly retired from turning enemy combatants into clouds of pink mist. Being resourceful types, however, they didn't take this laying down and channeling their inner soccer mom, decided to speak to the gun's manager -- by which we mean, they called tech support.

As luck would have it, the unit's call was transferred to Don Cook -- warranty manager, rifle expert, veteran, and all-round ass-kicker -- who after talking through the problem, diagnosed the fault as being due to a faulty part in the lower receiver. He then, knowing that they likely didn't have any tools, talked them through an improvisational fix, which got the gun working within less than a minute.

They then hung up, although Cook clearly didn't take it too personally, considering that he later described the call as being "one of the biggest highlights [of] my life." We hope they sent him a fruit basket -- or at least gave him five stars on the post-call survey.

3A Trio of Mechanics Rescued a Customer's Car from Thieves (In The Badassest Way Possible)

Contrary to what the movies might tell you, being a mechanic usually doesn't involve the criminal underworld (Except for the insurance companies. Oh!). If you're expecting car chases like in Fast and the Furious, be prepared to be disappoi--

Three Mechanics Chase Down Volvo S6o Stolen from One of Their Customers — autoevolution

We stand corrected.

In October 2015, three mechanics in Tulsa, Oklahoma, were enjoying a spot of lunch when they noticed a familiar-looking car parked up outside. It was a car that they'd had in their shop the other day and had since been reported stolen. After contacting the owner to confirm it hadn't been recovered, the three called the cops, and followed the car to relay its position.

When the perp noticed them, she sped off -- with our trio in hot pursuit. The chase that took them through suburbs and stop signs, and down freeways and strip malls. It ended in a parking lot where Dominique Torreto -- aka Elizabeth Newton -- abandoned the vehicle and fled on foot, before being arrested and booked for possessing a stolen car, driving with a suspended license, and resisting arrest.

After the incident hit the newsstands, the police congratulated the trio on their bravery, skills, and brotherhood, but politely asked them Duke boys to never, ever do it again. Probably because if they ever decide to use their skills for evil, law enforcement has no hope of taking them down until they hire The Rock.

2Two Japanese Train Operators Issued Apologies After Their Trains Left Only SECONDS Early

There's literally nothing worse than public transportation that runs late. There's a lot of other problems, sure, like how a monthly pass costs the same as a small mortgage or how we finish every journey smelling faintly of piss, but the lateness thing? That's just disrespectful.

36 BROADWAY J UTI P32 L SNLO IMET — Piqsels

In Japan, however, things are a little different. In 2017 and 2018, two train operators in willingly(!) apologized to commuters after two trains left their stations early. That's no better than being late, mind, but hear us out for a second. They didn't leave ten or five minutes early, or even just one minute early. They left twenty-five seconds early (at most).

In the former incident, in 2017, the crew forgot that the train was due at 9:44:40 am, and so accidentally left at 9:44:20 am -- and apologized despite no customers being affected by the delay. In the latter case, in 2018, meanwhile, the train driver accidentally closed his train's door one minute early, but instead of reopening them, he stuck his head out the window, saw that there were no passengers waiting, and decided YOLO. He didn't check very well, however, because there were still people waiting to get on the train. The company apologized profusely, and we assume imprisoned the driver a year for every second.

1Nintendo Opened Its Secretive Game Boy Vault to Help An Old Lady

At any given time, someone, somewhere on the internet is arguing about who counts as a "real" gamer. So, allow us to suggest a compromise: that the only true gamer was the unnamed 90-plus-year-old grandmother from Japan who, over the course of her long life, wore out THREE Game Boys playing her beloved Tetris.

As her daughter -- Kuniko Tsusaka -- recounted in an interview with one of Japan's biggest newspapers earlier this year, her mother was practically attached to her console at the hip. Like your grandfather and his train set, or your cousin and that weird-ass anime pillow. Several years ago, however, Tsusaka's mother fell ill at the same time that her third Game Boy, which at that point was old enough to be called a Game Man, wore out. As Nintendo stopped producing them in 2003, the family tried to have the console repaired locally -- to no avail, unfortunately.

Enter, her grandson, who suggested that she write a letter to Nintendo explaining the situation and asking for their help. We don't know what the letter said, but it was so good that Nintendo sent her a new Game Boy -- which they presumably took from the same vault that they store other priceless treasures, like the Nintendo Playstation and Shigeru Miyamoto.

Thanks to Nintendo's help, Grandma Tsusaka was able to show those goddamn commie blocks what's good for another four years, until she passed away the age of ninety-fucking-nine. It's probably for the best, though. If she'd gotten her hands on Animal Crossing, she'd be alive and kicking until the heat death of the universe.

Adam Wears is (allegedly) a comedy writer. Want to read other articles he's written for Cracked? Click here! Want to follow him on Twitter? Click here! Want to check out his website? Click here!

Top Image: U.S. Army