It unfortunately won't surprise you to learn that Amazon has been flooded with coronavirus scams, whether it's a 92 dollar UV wand that "Can Kill COVID-19" or everyday lab goggles cranked up to $120. But there's humdrum profiteering, and then there's the meeting point of greed and madness. Come, journey with us through Amazon's bleak underworld.

An Anti-Coronavirus Window Decal So Everyone Knows Where You Stand

Picture this hellish scenario: you're supposed to be self-isolating, but you need to go on an important errand. Will people think you're pro-virus, then pelt you with rotting vegetables? You can't take that risk. To avoid this nightmare, you need a decal that makes your anti-pandemic stance clear.

wtung CORONAVIRUS
Sticker Like/Amazon

Calvin has urinated on everything from car manufacturers to sports teams, but the coronavirus represents his ultimate challenge. As he battles on our behalf, you can rest assured that all the honking directed at you is of unbridled support.

Wacky Shirts For "Hilarious" People

If you want to be the life of the party you shouldn't be going to, you'll need to stand out. Luckily for you, misanthropic graphic designers have your back.

#Coronavirus
Zuizay/Amazon

Do you get it? We know it's a bit of a thinker, as very few people have drawn the connection between coronavirus and Corona beer. Thankfully, those wordsmiths deigned to share their observation with the masses before returning to work on their Pulitzer winning plays. But if you don't get the uproarious laughter you're looking for, you might need a lowbrow pop culture reference accessible to everyone.

CORONAVIRUS 2020-NCOV
Luckys Home/Amazon

Why, it's everyone's favorite force sensitive marketing product, Baby Yoda! The creator of this shirt was inspired by Googling "popular characters," "odds of copyright lawsuit" and "masturbate with 100 dollar bills ease emotional guilt?" Which takes us to...

I HAVE CORONA VIRUS KISS ME NOW AND DIE HAPPY
Zuizay/Amazon

Yes, nothing makes people horny like a pandemic, although this shirt actually serves as a screening process in its own right. Any sexual partner willing to wear or respond to it would accidentally punch you in the throat while trying to take your jacket off, then ask "Are you good?" after they achieved orgasm by fiddling with your belt buckle. But hey, at least you might get a couple grim chuckles from the bar's most dedicated alcoholics before you learn that all your public activity led to the infection of your grandparents.

A Very Important Informational Sign!

We realize this has been a somewhat confusing article, but we think "Retro Metal Decor Wall Plaque Vintage Tin Sign for House Cafe Club Home Or Bar" is pretty self-explanatory.

Can eating garlic help Garlic is a healthy food that may prevent infection with have some antimicrobial the new coronavirus? properties. However, ther
MG5AYTB9I1/Amazon

Now whenever anyone asks "Can eating garlic help prevent infection with the new coronavirus?" you can just tap the sign. But remember to consult your sign on how to wear a mask during these interactions.

HOW TO PUT ON, USE, FAKE OFF JAUAKE AND DISPOSE OF A MASK World Health Organizatin
MG5AYTB9I1/Amazon

We hope that clears things up.

Serious Shirts For Serious People

Earlier, some of you looked at those "comical" shirts and clucked in disapproval. These are serious times, and you want to communicate how seriously you're taking them, while also communicating that you washed out of the Marines for taking a fudge break during the morning run but still play a lot of Call of Duty.

FIGHT I G F T AGAINST CORONAYIRUS AIL LT' BE LIKE 8 IT'S OUR FICHT
CreativeeIdeas/Amazon

Never Underestimate A NEGLECTFUL FATHER Who DRINKS CRANBERRY JUICE, Was Born During A BRISK KENTUCKY SPRING, And Will HEADBUTT The CORONAVIRUS In Its UTERUS. But what if, instead of merely taking a stance, you could help control the pandemic?

CORONAVIRL DO NOT LIKE DO NOT SHARE DO NOT LET IT GO VIRAL
Engelos Store/Amazon

Youths today with their TikToks and their Slendermens might think that "going viral" is hep, but you'll be a real-life Apex Legend when you teach them otherwise and save us all. Just remember to be aware. Be aware, goddammit!

Conoua ..because AWARENESS it MATTERS!
Zuizay/Amazon

It may cost 23 bucks and another 16 for shipping, but how else are we going to educate mountain men who drank the accursed liquor of Henry Hudson's ghost crew and are only just now waking from their 20 year slumbers?

A Shower Curtain, For Some Reason

This is it. This is the culmination of using an algorithm to help generate Amazon products. It's also the ultimate method for letting your date know that you're about to harvest their nose.

CoronaDirus Patient Fero
Dayi County Caiseli Clothing Shop/Amazon

You can decorate your whole house in Hell Kitsch. How about a nice table runner, so-named because they let your table guests know to run while there's still time?

GOROMR UILIS TORON HIS IUS af H ORONA TILIS LORONN
Tianjin Fansen Boxian Technology Co., Ltd./Amazon

Fools! They've fled straight to the living room, to witness the last piece of art anyone sees before they're de-spleened.

Ji: 3a. wbns w,
Warm-Tone Art/Amazon

Sure, "Warm-Tone Art Corona-Virus Canvas Prints Framed Wall Art Oil Paintings for Dinning Room Bedroom Home Office Modern Wall Decor White" isn't by some famous painter, but at just 33 dollars it can only appreciate in value. Plus it's a "Perfect Presents And Gifts For Your Relatives And Friends." We just saved your anniversary, and you're welcome. That leaves the bedroom.

STOP CORONA VIRUS
ChenXiaobo/Amazon

"Stop Coronavirus," you remind yourself every morning. "Stop Coronavirus," you remind yourself every night. "Stop Coronavirus," you remind yourself as you are overcome by the whimsy of your "LIVE. LOVE. CAN EATING GARLIC HELP PREVENT INFECTION WITH THE NEW CORONAVIRUS?" sign and feel the uncontrollable urge to frolic.

NA <US
ChenXiaobo/Amazon

The great part is that even after the coronavirus is stopped you'll still be able to run the world's most disturbing Airbnb.

Mark is on Twitter and wrote a book.

The One Cracked Fact Newsletter

Get daily exclusive stories about our weird world, plus deep cuts and the latest from Cracked.

Forgot Password?