The only time we talk about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker anymore is when someone in the depths of the Lucasfilm work camps leaks a new bit of lore that we probably should've seen in the movie, but didn't because that would've made too much sense. They didn't want to burden us with an abundance of bullshit like "plot points" or "character motivations." Best stick to a fast-paced barrage of nonsense so we can roll credits on this mess before moving on to some other Star Wars thing that has actually had some thought put into it.
Take, for instance, this viral tweet from a Star Wars fan account that asks:
The answer was, of course, no. We would've all blissfully continued on with our lives entirely unaware of this, if not for this brave fan account summarizing whatever Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker tie-in popsicle stick they got it from. As the years roll on, we'll continue not talking about the movie itself and its impact on our lives because it will likely have none. Instead, we'll keep slowly patching the film's holes with random crap we'll have learned on Twitter eight years later.
The leaked lore driving the discourse this week is how Rise of Skywalker's novelization will confirm that ***spoilers for the movie*** Palpatine was a clone. He died at the end of Return of the Jedi, but had a contingency plan in place to keep himself alive forever through the same cloning process that he used to build an army in Attack of the Clones. In case you don't know, that's pretty much exactly what happened in the old Star Wars expanded universe that was wiped away when Disney bought the franchise from George Lucas. It was dumb and bad then, and it's great to see Disney is keeping the old Star Wars EU spirit alive by keeping it dumb and bad now.
As the grand finale to a nine-film saga that spanned four decades reached its climactic end, it was revealed that between the last two films that everyone in the galaxy had heard the Emperor's voice in their head announcing his return. However, the only people on earth privy to this information were the relative few who attended a Star Wars event in Fortnite. This is the sad, sad state of The Rise of Skywalker discourse and it is the only state we will ever get.
At least we can find solace in the fact that we won't be getting another one of these lore updates for at least another few wee--
Son of a bitch.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!