A 'Braveheart' Sequel About Everyone's 7th Favorite Character Is Here, Whoopee

Did you know it's been 25 years since the release of Braveheart, the Academy Award-winning (yes, really) historical (yes, really) epic about the Scottish war of independence? Perfect timing then, marketing-wise, for the release of its sequel. A bold move to be sure, since it must be hard to make a sequel about a story that's completely over. And whose main character is dead. And the director/star of the original has been run out of Hollywood, kinda, for being an unrepentant bigot. Luckily, the international trailer for Robert the Bruce is here to tackle none of those issues.

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Yes, Robert the Bruce, everyone's seventh favorite Braveheart character after William Wallace, Edward Longshanks, the crazy Irish guy, and three random horses. Why him? Well, Robert the Bruce is co-written by and stars the original actor, Angus MacFadyen, despite now being roughly two decades too old to play the 30-something Robert. But that's not the sort of timing the movie cares about. The movie's international release is timed with the actual 25th anniversary of the Braveheart premier or the 700th anniversary of Scottish independence, whichever one you deem the biggest historical event.

While the movie does its best to remind everyone it's technically a
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Braveheart sequel, (the trailer says the name William Wallace before it even says Robert the Bruce) the comparison might not do it any favors. While the original is only still beloved for its big-budget action setpieces, Robert the Bruce is a small budget affair where, instead of massive field battles, the future king spends most of his time trapped in a small farmstead where he and a bunch of kids fend off invaders -- a bit like a Scottish Home Alone.

Also, maybe it's not a good idea to remind audiences of Braveheart's version of Robert the Bruce, which didn't exactly make the young kingling look good compared to William Wallace. Not only did young Angus McFadden look a bit too much a Medieval Ferris Bueller to be taken seriously, the movie went out of its way to make him look bad, focusing on his political wishy-washiness instead of his military prowess and adding an entirely historically inaccurate subplot where Robert betrays Wallace while dressed like a combo between Blackadder and the Monty Python version of an evil black knight.

Relax William, We'll just ride the horses backwards to take the mileage off.
20th Century FoxRelax William, We'll just ride the horses backwards to take the mileage off.

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The movie has already bombed in the UK, and its international prospects aren't looking that much better. But weirdest of all, "old character actors exploit the endless sequel hunger and do Shakespeare in the Park with old blockbusters" is currently becoming a weird niche film trend. This week saw the disastrous release of The Jesus Rolls, the completely unrelated sequel to The Big Lebowski written and directed by OG actor John Turturro about his sex offender bowler cameo. And honestly, the only reason we're not just getting a Bill & Ted sequel called Bill Faces the Music is because Keanu Reeves is too nice a guy to say no.

For more weird tangents and takes that are 25 years too late, follow Cedric on Twitter.

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