As experts in profanity, we can confidently affirm that the words "Elon Musk's new EDM single" are some of the most offensive sounds a person can make. And every single detail about the song the Tesla cult leader released on Friday only deepens that conviction. It's bad enough that a 48-year-old billionaire is indulging his mid-life crisis through Satan's prank of a music genre -- but to promote the single, he changed his name to "E 'D' M" on Twitter. He also tweeted pictures of himself in the recording studio, looking as confidently incompetent as a toddler with a light-up guitar. The song is named "Don't Doubt Ur Vibe." Wouldn't it be the worst thing if it were good?
After all, this isn't the first time we've gotten a cringeworthy glimpse into Elon Musk's musical ambitions. If you, too, spent a few deeply uncomfortable days of spring 2019 singing "RIP Harambe, sippin' on some Bombay" to yourself, you can rest assured that will not happen this time. The devastating possibility that Elon Musk might be a musical genius will not occur to you.
No, gentle reader, you can breathe easy: "Don't Doubt Ur Vibe" is simply awful. It's not dumb enough to be clever satire, and it's not catchy enough to qualify as a legitimate earworm. It's the kind of song you would hear in the background of a club scene on a CBS show. It's generically, harmlessly bad -- the aural manifestation of a middle-aged one-percenter dabbling in a culture he has no business in. There's no danger lurking beneath that play button up there. Go ahead and click it. Bask in the knowledge that at least one thing in this chaotic universe is exactly as it should be.
Manna is constantly doubting her vibe on Twitter.