Disney could've lined their pockets with another billion dollars, that they would've inevitably lost between their Bossk-leather couch cushions, if only they could've sold Baby Yoda merchandise with the release of The Mandalorian. However, in an astonishing display of ignoring the cash register sounds in their heads, the company that sells R2D2 waffle-makers decided that the potential of merch spoiling the existence of Baby Yoda before the show premiered was too great.
This yawning swag chasm was immediately filled by anyone with an Etsy shop and even the slightest ability to crochet a bat frog in a potato sack. But Baby Yoda is no secret anymore and Disney wants their cut of the green or they'll break your legs, legally speaking.
The problem is, how can little old Disney possibly be expected to make any money off of this unstoppable worldwide phenomenon that has the backing of their unfathomably powerful marketing and merchandising departments when they're up against the ironfisted tyrannical rule of a few mom-and-pop Etsy shops? It's simply not fair, and these scant few Etsy shops must be disintegrated so that the glorious
Imperial Disney Empire may plant a Disney store's officially licensed Baby Yoda flag firmly into the soil to let the nerds know who's the boss.
Though, to be fair, Baby Yoda is their intellectual property. They have the right to sue every Etsy shop that sells unlicensed Star Wars merch into oblivion. Or, they could try not giving a shit about whether some mom in Pennsylvania who crochets a Baby Yoda in her off-time is going to make a dent in their plushie sales. And if, miraculously, that one mom and maybe a couple of dozen others like her end up making a superior product, that sells more than whatever Disney's overseas child labor force can churn out, then Disney should just do the thing they do best: Buy them out.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!