The world can be a lonely place. We all need a companion to stick by us. The problem is human friends tend to be unreliable. So, we turn to pets. But what if your animal friend also turns out to be a flaky self-centered unempathetic piece of shit? Well, then you turn to the Qoobo and the soon be released Petit Qoobo - headless robot cat butts, whose tails wiggle in response to external stimuli.
The Qoobo therapy pillow has been around for a couple of years now. While you may not have heard of it, it's apparently popular enough that its creators will be releasing a second, smaller version that can be carried in a bag or purse. Finally, whether it be at a coffee shop or the campus library, you'll be able to role-play your fantasy of being a pervy mad scientist who kept their most successful ass-bomination as a personal pet that freaks out all the baristas and librarians, but not enough that they say anything about it because they're all afraid of you.
People should get their comfort wherever they can find it, even if it's in the form of a decapitated robot cat that wiggles its tail back and forth when touched as its gentle, comforting way of saying "I SHOULD NOT BE I SHOULD NOT BE". When the smaller version in your purse starts wiggling its tail in response to sound, as it does, and strangers on the train fawn of the cutesy-wootsy wittle tail fwapping about, you can pull out this elderly tribble and ask fellow commuters if they want to touch your precious faceless furbooty that runs on two double AAs. They may say "no, God no, what is...what have you done?!", but they really mean yes.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. Check out his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!