A Genius Almost Sold The New Star Wars Movie Script On eBay

J.J. Abrams didn't explicitly mention it during his recent Good Morning America interview (wherein he told a story about how a The Rise Of Skywalker cast member had a copy of the script stolen from them and posted on eBay), but we can all safely assume that the thief's unmarked grave is now an Easter egg diehard fans can find next time they visit Epcot.

Apparently, the cast member hid the script beneath their bed, where it was discovered by someone who was cleaning their house, who then gave it to someone else who tried to sell it on eBay. In the interview, Abrams mentions that there were only a handful of scripts available to anyone and they were printed on paper that's supposedly impossible to photocopy. It's a cute story that highlights how even the strictest security measures can be ripped to shreds because someone hid their valuables the same way a criminal stashes emergency cash in case they need to flee to Mexico.

The cast member probably got a stern talking-to from producers and Disney brass. Yet it somehow doesn't feel at all strange to assume that the criminal masterminds who tried to sell the script of an unreleased Star Wars movie on eBay are now being waterboarded daily in Disney black site prisons with week-old Splash Mountain water by nude men wearing only tattered Mickey masks. This is a company that may or may not have just recently tried to stop everyone from posting Baby Yoda Gifs on the internet. Somehow thinking that these people have been secretly sentenced to an eternity of shoveling coal into the large incinerators that power Disney parks doesn't feel like a stretch. It might even be a little too on the nose.

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