Digital de-aging will keep Hollywood's biggest stars looking like youthful shiny rubber homunculi for decades to come. It's a miracle technology that's already let Samuel L Jackson play himself in the '90s in Captain Marvel, and it made Patrick Stewart's head more aerodynamic in the X-Men movies. In Star Wars: Rogue One, it made Peter Cushing look like he hadn't aged a day since A New Hope, and he's been dead since 1994.
But has science gone too far, now that It: Chapter 2 will be de-aging it's child actors so they can look the way they did in the first movie, released way back in 2017 when, need I remind you, it is currently 2019?
Thinking audiences will hang the projectionists if children are depicted enduring the consequences of time, filmmakers left room in the effects budget to erase the crow's feet and varicose veins that typically creep across the faces of 15-year-olds. Back in the day, you had to suspend disbelief to enjoy a movie wherein 24-year-olds with stubble played high-schoolers.
But soon will come a day when a baby in a movie will remain a baby well into its 30s. Yes, that baby will be disturbingly large and heavy, but the youthful vigor one has when their head is freshly popped from the womb will be preserved through the wonders of movie magic. On that day, some idiot filmmaker will make the grave mistake of allowing a child to age a year between films. Audiences will c**k their heads like confused dogs, wondering who hired this haggard urchin with eyes wild and hungry for meth.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. You won't regret it.