It's Time to Overanalyze The New 'Star Wars' Movie's Title

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for Google Translate.
It's Time to Overanalyze The New 'Star Wars' Movie's Title

We still don't know many details about the upcoming Star Wars movie, presumably because every twist and spoiler is safely locked away in a mystery box in J.J. Abrams' office, which we imagine is inside some kind of haunted snow globe. Beyond the one teaser trailer, fans have had precious few tidbits to analyze, deconstruct, and generally use as an excuse to avoid sunlight. Thankfully, we recently learned some of the international translations of the title, and they're ever so slightly different.

Like the Dark Knight and the Planet of the Apes before, the Episode IX will find a Skywalker somehow "rising," like one of Rey's loaves of inflatable bread. But The Rise Of Skywalker is branded somewhat differently overseas. In Japan, the title is apparently Star Wars: Dawn Of Skywalker. Which could just be a wrinkle in the translation, or it could reinforce the theory that the "Skywalker" of the title refers to the dawning of a new religion named after the series' gallant hero turned bearded crank.


More confusing still is the Polish title, which translates as Skywalker Resurrection, obviously hinting that the movie will reveal that the Emperor built a secret cloning facility to breed an army of Shmi Skywalkers. In Hungary, the title is reportedly Age Of Skywalker, which again suggests that the story will feature some kind of new Luke-inspired spiritual movement, rather than having our favorite Jedi literally cheat death so he can punch Kylo Ren in the face.

Of course, all of these theories may be moot. Remember how foreign translations of The Last Jedi convinced the world that the "Jedi" of the title was plural? Thus setting up the expectation that Luke was either living with some of his former students or, we don't know, hanging out with Mace Windu's skeleton? In any case, that turned out to be bogus. So while it's fun to wildly speculate, let's take this news with a grain of delicious Craitian salt.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter!

For more, check out Subway's New Ad Is Really, Truly Insane and The Makers Of 'The Room' Have A New Show And It Doesn't Suck.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us to the Dark Side ... which is just our Facebook page, really.


Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?