An Olympic Sprinter Blamed A Failed Drug Test On Too Much Sex
In 1998, American sprinter Dennis Mitchell was at the top of his game. With a heap of medals and records to his name, many thought he'd go for the gold during the 2000 Olympics in Sydney. Basically, Mitchell was the man. In fact, he was too much of the man, an Olympic doping panel agreed, to ethically allow him to compete in any sporting event.
Matthew Stockman /Allsport/Getty ImagesThose short shorts beg to differ.
On the brink of Olympic glory, a drug panel accused Mitchell of doping when they concluded his body contained too much testosterone (a popular form of cheating among athletes). But when asked to confess by the U.S. Track and Field Doping Panel, Mitchell instead claimed he had built up too much man juice by having lots of sex with his wife, hurdler Damu Cherry-Mitchell. The day before the test was Damu's birthday, so Mitchell had five bottles of beer and four epic bone sessions because, quote, "the lady deserved a treat." Surely, that explained why he had the testosterone of seven grown bodybuilders, right?
Unfortunately for Mitchell, lab techs know more about endocrinology than the average frat dude. They confirmed that no amount of boinking and booze could ever raise testosterone levels above the body's natural limit, and so the International Amateur Athletic Federation banned him for two years.
A Tesla Driver Killed A Cyclist And Blamed It On His New Car Smell
Fresh off purchasing a Tesla in 2013, Navindra Kumar Jain took his whisper-quiet electric four-door for a spin. But Jain never reached his destination. Instead he fell asleep at the wheel and struck and killed bicyclist Joshua Alper. Naturally, Jain claimed it wasn't he who had killed poor Alper, but his Tesla. No, not in the "flawed auto driving" way, but because the smell had knocked him out.
According to Jain, he had opted to have the car upholstered with synthetic materials instead of leather, on account of his convictions, but the smell was so terrible that he was forced to use a baking soda air freshener. And apparently the smell of car freshener and nylon combined is as potent as four Ambien and a quart of vodka.
Pal Berge/Wikimedia Commons
These things can't even subdue a fart, let alone a grown man.