The 5 Most Desperate Attempts By Celebrities To Stay Famous

3Spencer Pratt And Heidi Montag Are Conspiracy Theorist Lifestyle Gurus

We've mentioned before that reality TV stars Spencer and Heidi Pratt blew their fortune because God played a hilarious prank on them. But instead of admitting defeat and getting a real job, Spencer vowed to get their riches back by becoming a male Gwyneth Paltrow. This meant slapping his Pratt Daddy brand -- yes, it's really called that -- on anything he could embed with crystals, from dog collars to coffee. He even managed to work some sponsored content into the announcement of his son's birth. If it helps, that kid was never gonna be normal.

"I feel like there was something else I was meaning to tweet about ... Oh right, it's a boy."

Like attracts like, so it wasn't long before Speidi teamed up with another swill merchant masquerading as a lifestyle guru. No, not Gwynnie -- Alex Jones. After running into each other on a Hawaiian beach in the most tragic series of coincidences outside a George R.R. Martin novel, Jones took the opportunity to interview the couple, the male half of which claimed "We were chanting 'Death to the New World Order' about 10 years ago after watching all of your documentaries, and then about a week later, we were no longer on television and haven't had a consistent TV gig since then." Yes, it was the New World Order, and not a complete lack of talent, which stagnated their careers. Honestly, what's most surprising is that Montag and Pratt aren't part of the New World Order.

2Coolio's Gangsta Cooking Show

As Coolio walked through the valley of the shadow of death of his rap career, he took a look at his life and realized he was a reasonably good cook. After participating in a number of celebrity cook-offs that left him perpetually in Lou Diamond Phillips's dust (really), he took his rage out on the Food Network by launching Cookin' With Coolio, a show in which "I'd be clowning on everyone, with more profanity, and better looking girls, and a better house band." He knows what every cooking show really needs: fly girls.

Well, "sauce girls," actually. The show premiered on his web channel, creatively named My Damn Channel, and ran for ten episodes. It showed Coolio cooking things like "Drunk-Ass Chicken" from ingredients stored in dime bags, surrounded by the aforementioned scantily clad assistants, and of course, all while constantly terrorizing people. One episode purported to show viewers how to get children to eat vegetables, and mostly consisted of Coolio screaming instructions at someone's child. It is not clear who they were, or why they were allowed anywhere on Coolio's property. Another episode about cooking steak and garlic bread apparently required "kidnapping" a "college student," wrapping his head in duct tape, and beating him with baguettes.

1The Situation Released Everything From Apps To Comic Books, And Then Went To Prison

It takes an iron will to embarrass oneself in real time, but some guys have a knack for it. Jersey Shore's Mike Sorrentino, or "The Situation" as he prefers to be called, was a one-trick pony who, in an effort to prove he wasn't just a sad chiseled lump of protein, wound up proving exactly that. In 2010, he launched an iPhone app that featured a workout plan and a "GTL finder" which located the nearest gyms, tanning salons, and laundromats to the user, which was a solid business plan for his niche. Unfortunately, he simply couldn't stay there.