5
A Flat Earth Would Mean That Climate Change Would Really Screw Us
When you think about people who believe in a flat Earth, there are a few words that spring to mind: gullible, unreasonable, illogical, anti-science. While most of these are fair shots, we take a little umbrage at the latter, especially considering how often they keep coming out to stan for the validity of climate change.
On the one hand, this is great news for, um, NASA. On the other hand, it's more proof that Donald Trump is absolutely the dumbest political figure in history. Oh, also, if Eartherism was true, climate change would bone us even more spectacularly than it's already set to.
According to earthers, the planet is basically a giant Frisbee careening through space. You've got the North Pole at the center, the various continents stretched and contorted outward like dirt pancakes, and last but not least, a massive ice wall running along the outer edge, which ostensibly serves to keep the oceans from leaking off -- at least, until a zombie dragon destroys them.
![Specifically, <A TARGET=_blank HREF=https://wiki.tfes.org/The_Ice_Wall>a 150-foot wall that no one has crossed</A>, even though drones that can manage that height cost a hundred bucks.]()
New York JournalSpecifically, a 150-foot wall that no one has crossed, even though drones that can manage that height cost a hundred bucks.
But our world has something a lot more dangerous for ice: ExxonMobil. Our climate is shifting, our elected officials are too busy getting handjobs from lobbyists to care, we've only got a decade to turn things around, and an iceberg the size of Delaware recently split off Antarctica. And if the earthers have got this right, our oceans -- and everything floating in them -- are destined to be slurped into space with a comical "blowing a raspberry" noise.
Even if it turns out we're living on a flat Earth and we stop climate change (both equally unlikely possibilities, if we're honest), the ice wall still wouldn't be safe. As we noted in a previous article, the circular shape of our planet helps protect us from solar radiation. If that goes bye-bye, that ice wall (and us) will die in agony.
Man, a flat Earth sounds terrible. Why do people believe in this? Why not simply pretend Hogwarts is real? That sounds way more fun.
4
There Are So Many Problems With The Idea Of Crisis Actors
Whenever a mass shooting or terrorist attack occurs, it doesn't take long for a certain spectrum of conspiracy theorist (i.e. the worst kind) to start shouting about how [insert fresh tragedy here] was a false flag operation implemented by the government, and that the "victims" and their "bereaved love ones" are in fact actors hired to make everyone feel sad enough to give up their guns / plastic straws / whatever they're crying about this week.
If you pay attention to these ramblings, however, you might be begin to notice a gigantic flaw with this idea. Namely, this sinister, well-oiled machine of tyranny is so strapped for funds that it's forced to reuse the same actors over and over again. It's as if they're a talent agency with only, like, ten people on their payroll and no knowledge of this thing called "photography."
![5 Conspiracy Theories That Have Insanely Dumb Obvious Flaws]()
Via Snopes
![5 Conspiracy Theories That Have Insanely Dumb Obvious Flaws]()
CBS, CNN, via PolitiFact Florida
![The idea of a few different people looking similar is ridiculous! A secret cabal that controls the media is the only logical answer.]()
Via S. AwanThe idea of a few different people looking similar is ridiculous! A secret cabal that controls the media is the only logical answer.
Adam Wears
PunditFactIn fairness, the U.S. government does have a history of hiring people to disrupt these kinds of groups, but not since 1945.
Professor Doom1/YouTube"It looks like you're trying to construct a flimsy conspiracy theory. Would you like help? ... You know, help help?"
