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Instagram Ruins Nature Sites By Making Them Too Popular

Thanks to geotagging -- embedding information about where a photo was taken, whether accidentally or on purpose -- taking selfies with exotic animals puts all those adorable emus in danger by leading poachers right to them. Well, we're going to assume that all the emus are gone, because geotagging is now ruining nature itself.

It typically goes like this: Someone posts a photo of a majestic waterfall or mountain view or whatever people look at when they go outside. A bunch of people share it, awed by its beauty, and some of those people think, "Hey, I would also like to see that waterfall or mountain or whatever." If the post is geotagged, they can find out exactly where it is, so all that's left to do is buy a plane ticket and some hiking boots. The next thing you know, a hot spring in Colorado has to shut down for a while to clean up a staggering amount of human feces.

Sam Brasch/Colorado Public Radio"I wonder if it's too late to get my real estate license?" -- every park ranger in Colorado

4

Social Media Is Causing All Sorts Of Problems In Courtrooms

Complaining about the kids these days being surgically attached to their phones is generally the territory of old men wearing unfashionable pants, but when people can't stop tweeting long enough to serve jury duty, we have to concede that they may have a point. Between capital murder convictions getting overturned due in part to jurors tweeting during deliberation to extensive appeals also due to tweeting, it's become an enormous headache for everyone involved. Even something as minor as being Facebook friends with a family member of someone involved with the case has been used as grounds to file for mistrial.

Arkansas Times"OMG this lawyer is STILL talking. Wrap it up, it's Margarita Monday! #ProbablyGuilty #MoreLikeCapitalSnore-der"

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Companies Are Less Likely To Hire People With No Social Media Presence

We've all heard stories of people being fired for using social media to complain about their bosses or post selfies with dying patients. So it might seem like the safest move, professionally speaking, is to simply stay off social media entirely. You can't get drunk, decide it's a good idea to break into your lab, teach the rats to water ski, then livestream it all on Facebook if you don't have Facebook.

2

Parents Are Publicly Shaming Their Kids

Public shaming is nothing new, but for a while, marching your daughter down to the town square and locking her in the stockade for exposing an ankle was frowned upon. Now the world is your town square, and it's eager to reward you with likes and shares of your video of your child running to school in the rain as punishment for bullying other students on the school bus, no doubt teaching them a valuable lesson about empathy.

1

Influencers Are Faking Sponsored Content

"Influencer" is a weird job that exists now, but it's not like you can go to Instagram school and get a master's in being cute. Becoming an influencer is often the result of a combination of dumb luck, good taste, and being rich and/or famous to begin with. Aspiring influencers have little to go on, so many of them take a "Fake it 'til you make it" approach. That is, posting fake sponsored content in the hopes that it will convince companies that you have enough clout for them to pay you to hawk their stuff for real. Yes, "selling out" and "street cred" are synonymous now. Welcome to 2019, it's terrible here.

This puts brands in a weird position. They're not exactly in the business of turning down free publicity, but when someone is presenting themselves as a spokesperson, they do like to have a modicum of control over what they say. The last thing they need is some up-and-coming YouTuber announcing that his rant about white genocide was sponsored by their company. At the same time, they worry that if they ask someone to please stop recommending them, there's a whole internet out there eager for stories of people wronged by corporations. "All I did was tell people to buy their product and they sent their lawyers after me! Can you believe it?"

There is a silver lining here, in that the number of people willing to promote brands for free has significantly driven down the price of sponsored content, consequently reducing influencers' ability to make a living off it. Hopefully this whole dumbass ouroboros will finish eating itself and we can all quietly forget about that weird half-decade when using things was a job.