5 Amazingly Intricate Video Games Details You Never Noticed

Modern video games are able to inject so much realism into their imaginary worlds that in 20 years or so, we might even see a purely CGI character whose teeth don't give us nightmares! But in the meantime, some bored developers are focusing on all the wrong things. These are all such petty, random details that it makes you wonder if some poor designer was skipping their OCD medication. For example ...

Advertisement

5
In Red Dead Redemption 2, Your Horse's Balls Shrink In Cold Weather

Rockstar San Diego faced a lot of criticism when it was revealed just how many work hours employees had to cram into their days to drive their newest prize prancing pony, Red Dead Redemption 2, to market. But not even the harshest of critics could deny the quality these sweatshop conditions delivered. After all, how else could the team have created such game-changing, revolutionary video game content like, um, dynamic animal testicles?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Only the keenest of observers will appreciate Rockstar's inclusion of "dynamic testicle physics" -- a groundbreaking system whereby a horse's testes grow or shrink, depending on the weather.

Rockstar GamesThe only game where your mount can teabag better than you.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

That's right, take your bounding Missouri Fox Trotter or frisky Appaloosa too close to the northern edge of the map, and their big equine balls will shrivel up faster than those of a desperado realizing you've just activated Deadeye. Of course, the real question is: Why spend countless hours of precious programming time giving horse groins better AI than the average NPC? Unnecessary attention to detail, a PR stunt, or Rockstar trying to attract a very niche German fetish demographic?

We'll never know, just like we'll never know if horse balls are the only type of genitals that shrink or expand depending on the heat -- at least until Rockstar finally releases that official Arthur Nude mod we've been petitioning for.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Rockstar GamesThen again, maybe leave the genital interaction at the one species ...

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Related: 6 Insane Details In Video Games (For The .01 Percent Who Noticed)

4
Final Fantasy XV's Food Looks Deliciously Realistic

Final Fantasy XV was released after almost ten years of tumultuous work, to a lukewarm response. The gameplay was sort of a disjointed mess, and the storyline was less coherent than a fever dream after a midnight cheese buffet. But there was one thing the FFXV team had absolutely nailed (aside from the '90s boy band vibe), and that was creating in-game food so lovingly rendered it would leave even Gordon Ramsay gobsmacked.

Square Enix

Square EnixDevelopment Hell's Kitchen

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

According to the game's art director, each meal is the result of the combined work of many artists and designers, who actually went outdoors to recreate every single dish on a camp stove. That's a lot of camping, as the game features over 100 dishes in high-resolution textures, every single one of them looking tantalizing. Like these rice balls, where you can see every single grain of rice ...

Square EnixThis heap of rice is more charismatic than any character in this game.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Or this very Instagram-worthy galette with cream ...

Square Enix"Spent all day fighting daemons, thought I deserved this treat #blessed."

And the main courses are no joke either, with oysters so realistically slimy that they look almost as gross as the real deal ...

Square EnixThese give quite the buff to your constitution, wink wink.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Related: 6 Video Games That Put Insane Detail Into Stuff You Missed

3
The Cops In Grand Theft Auto IV Are Amazingly Professional

In video games, players are often conditioned to think of guards as mindless NPCs, there to kill you if you so much as accidentally brush against an item you don't own. But that kind of simplistic viewpoint would be a great disservice to the thin blue line of Grand Theft Auto IV. In a game all about loose cannons, they do everything precisely by the book.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Documented with great detail by YouTuber whatever57010, it seems that GTA IV realized how much time players would spend in the company of the Liberty City Police Department, so its cops really are the finest any game has ever seen. Depending on the level of threat, LCPD officers have different protocols to deal with incidents, a lot of them centered around deescalation. Stand too close to a cop, for instance, and they'll politely warn you not to start any trouble:

Rockstar Games"Sir, kindly keep your hand off that weapon wheel."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

If you don't heed that warning and decide to give them a little push, the cop won't put a bullet in your face. Instead you'll just get a stern talking-to or a well-deserved fist wave.

Rockstar GamesAll video game cops should have to undergo joystick insensitivity sensitivity training.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

And even if you put their lives at stake by pointing a gun at their dumb faces, they'll still try to deescalate the situation by telling the player to put his weapon down, while other officers form a protective circle in case things do get nasty.

Rockstar GamesWhich, seeing as this is GTA, they always do.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

If you decide to leg it, Liberty City's finest still showcase exactly what they learned in GTA police academy. They'll give chase, call for backup, inform squad cars of the perp's movements, and refuse to shoot the suspect (you) in the back. And if you jack a car for a speedier getaway, the officer will commandeer another vehicle to continue the chase instead of getting frustrated and unloading their clip into your newly acquired windshield.

Rockstar Games"Oh, now I get it. Grand theft auto is really fun."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

GTA IV cops will also do real police work around town. They'll even save you, the guy who has killed half of their softball team, if they see someone else break the law. Got sucker-punched in the face by an aggressive NPC? If it happened in the line of sight of the LCPD, they will calmly and effectively arrest the perp instead of giving him the ol' Game Over treatment.

Rockstar Games"You have the right to remain silent, or to use one of your three generic dialogue options."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Sadly, in Grand Theft Auto V, all that good police work seems to have been flushed down the drain. Los Santos police officers are gleefully murder-happy.

Rockstar Games

Related: 21 Games That Put Insane Work Into Details You Never Noticed

2
Dark Souls' Canine Foe Is Heartrendingly Realistic

Great Grey Wolf Sif, an ancient wolf protecting its master's grave, is a pretty average boss as far as Dark Souls goes. But they're an A+ pet, in that they act like a real doggy. That becomes very clear when you get their health down to a certain point and they start whining and limping in pain like a wounded animal -- right before the story forces you to put them down.

Namco Bandai This boy can't git any guder.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

In the later Dark Souls DLC Artorias Of The Abyss, you go back in time a hundred years. There/then, you have the opportunity to save puppy Sif's life, earning their loyalty and (we assume) offscreen snuggles. And if you, for some reason, did that before completing the main game, a special, horrible treat awaits you. Reach adult Sif only after finishing the DLC, and the game pops up a special cutscene showing that Sif still remembers the player after all those centuries, bounding up and sniffing them like any excited doggo.

Of course, that happiness doesn't last, as you're still there to kill their master. When the protective pup realizes this, they deliver a plaintive whimper and howl before fighting. Dammit, FromSoftware, you already broke our controllers. Did you also have to break our hearts?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Related: 5 Video Games That Took 'Realism' Way Too Far

1
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain Is Overflowing With Weird Details

Hideo Kojima's kiss-off to the Metal Gear series, The Phantom Pain has one of the most realistic video game worlds ever (and also features a skeleton cowboy as its main villain). Vehicles have been given a realism update for the game, though not one that makes a lot of sense. One-upping Red Dead Redemption 2, not only do the horses of MGSV s**t to their heart's content, but that s**t can serve as a bona fide environmental hazard, causing vehicles to slip and crash if they drive over the stinky landmines.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

"When I told you guys to research a dirty bomb, I didn't mean this."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

And don't even think about driving dangerously. The game's military compounds are connected by power lines, and they aren't just for show. Run one over with your car, and a billion volts shoot through Big Boss' already-battered body.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Konami"Aw man, my Kim Wilde cassette was in that car."

But the real stars in MSGV are the water physics. Take the most powerful gun in the game, the Water Pistol. No, we're not kidding. It's the most versatile weapon, able to put out fires, clean off bloodstains, and even give your doggo a much-needed bath.

Konami"C'mon boy, let's wash those bits of Russian right off."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

The Water Pistol is also invaluable on the offensive, able to fry enemy electronics and even disable soldiers if you squirt them right in the eye.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Or you could put a captured or unconscious enemy facedown in a puddle, and they'll quickly drown in two inches of water.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

KonamiThe Russian army should really start issuing IQ tests.

Water's not so kind to items either. Take the cardboard box, which is the most iconic and coherent character of the entire series ... until it realistically deteriorates when pulled out in the rain.

KonamiExcellent mercenary commander, terrible hobo.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

That should be enough to develop hydrophobia in any Metal Gear Solid player, but don't keep Big Boss out of the shower for too long. Otherwise he'll become so sweaty and smelly that his field of view will be covered in flies, every character be grossed out by him, and if it gets too bad, second-in-command Ocelot will force him to wash up purely for his soldiers' morale.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

If they had simply put a millionth of a percent of that effort into the story, MGSV might've been, well ... good.

E. Reid Ross has a couple books, Nature Is The Worst: 500 Reasons You'll Never Want To Go Outside Again and Canadabis: The Canadian Weed Reader, both available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

For more, check out If Video Game Commercials Were Honest:

The first-ever Cracked Podcast LIVE TOUR is coming to a city near (some of) you this spring! Tickets on sale now for Chicago (April 11) and St. Paul (April 12).

Follow us on Facebook. Game on.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

45 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.

230

5 Billion-Dollar Industries That Treat Workers Like Garbage

Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.

251

5 Huge Scandals With Crazy Details The News Barely Mentioned

The news spent weeks reporting on these giant scandals without bothering to mention the stupidest parts.

126

5 Acts Of Charity That Went Horrendously Wrong

The road to losing your tax exemption status is paved with good intentions.

108

5 Dark (But Hilarious) Times Big Tech Companies Failed Hard

Well, this is ... bleakly hilarious.

106

6 Very Stupid Questions With Very Smart Answers

No serious person would ask these questions ... but we got serious answers anyway.

132