The Writer Of 'Green Book' Is Making A New (Terrible) Movie

Sunday's big Oscar winner, Green Book, has its fair share of controversy, from accusations of perpetuating a tired white savior narrative to the real-life Don Shirley's family calling bullshit on the movie for its condescending inaccuracies. Oh, and the director had to apologize for routinely flashing his junk in the past. And one of the producers sent pissy letters to critics. And co-writer Nick Vallelonga helped spread Trump's racist conspiracy theory that New Jersey Muslims were celebrating in the streets on 9/11. (Though to be fair, had Nick taken a whimsical road trip with a Muslim, his prejudice would have presumably disappeared and solved racism forever.)

Still, the movie prevailed, and now the Academy-Award-winning Vallelonga has his next project lined up. And it sounds ... not great. According to Deadline, Vallelonga wrote and will direct the "musical romantic comedy" That's Amore! -- named after the famous Dean Martin tune. Timely! Oh, and if you think that there isn't a character named "Amore," then you have some unearned faith in the Hollywood machine.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

That's Amore! is about a depressed "40-year-old bachelor" working in a pizzeria who falls for Patti Amore, a "shy and introverted loner with an overprotective father and a dark secret in her past." (Hopefully that secret isn't some kind of wildly racist old Tweet.) It sounds like Garden State meets La La Land meets the world's saddest Domino's.

Vallelonga's directorial track record should further put you off. His IMDb page is basically a museum of schlock, featuring titles such as Choker, about a "serial killer (who) is let loose to hunt down and kill alien beings," and Stiletto, about a female assassin who is seemingly allergic to shirts.

First Look International

So in retrospect, maybe we should all just be happy that Green Book didn't find Dr. Shirley battling a horde of bikini-clad zombies or something.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Wait Til You Hear Who's Review-Bombing 'Captain Marvel' and The CIA Live-Tweeted The Oscars To Debunk 'Black Panther'.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. It's free.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

61 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst

Instagram influencers are often absurd.

166

7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers

If you follow up on these flash-in-the-pan headlines, you might find some information that changes the tone of the story.

139

5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)

A good horror story is hard to pull off.

130

5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads

All commercials are a least a little weird.

44

5 World-Changing News Stories (That Were Total BS)

Here are some recent

88

5 Movie Characters Who Tried To Look Tough (And Failed Hard)

These actions stars were so bad at being badass, they were just ass.

90