We're rapidly approaching one of the most terrifying events mankind has ever witnessed. No, not global warming, but full-blown nostalgia for the '90s -- the cargo pants of decades. Soon we'll be drowning in spaghetti straps and Virtual Boy memes, as our minds slowly melt listening to Blind Melon. And leading the vanguard is Marvel's Captain Marvel, which has just launched a very, very retro website. But '90s kids will remember that this isn't the real deal.
The trailer for Captain Marvel, set in 1995, already felt intentionally dated (in more ways than one) with its Blockbusters and Top Gun references. But it seems that Marvel is really doubling down, and there's nothing more '90s than an ancient-looking website with Comic Sans in it. The whole website is dressed to the '90s, with an eye-deafeningly loud color scheme, a page view counter, a guestbook, and the ever-present "Multimedia" page with thumbnails so tiny you'd have to boot up Windows 95 to find a resolution low enough to properly see.
All those little lies could be forgiven if not for a single massive oversight: the Multimedia. More specifically, you can access the Multimedia. There's no QuickTime error, no pointless .wav file download, it didn't even say to update our RealPlayer before showing us the full trailer. That's some whaling on the moon nonsense right there.
How can you possibly reenact what it was like being online in the mid '90s if you can just click a thumbnail and a movie starts playing? People would swing dance you to the town square and burn you as a witch if you showed them that back then. And knowing that they weren't prepared to ruin their entire marketing stunt for authenticity's sake, we're going to have to start wondering if Disney is nothing more than a bunch of corporate sellouts.
Cedric doesn't have enough friends for a Myspace page, so you can only find him on Twitter.
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Sometimes the stories after the stories are even stranger.
For as much as people love them, the 'Star Wars' movies have gotten rather awkward from time to time.
Going for that 16th minute.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.