By this point, you're probably aware that Tumblr is banning all adult content on December 17, which means we can expect the whole site to have crashed and burned by December 19. That is, unless there's a lot more money than we thought in a career writing incest fanfic about the brothers from Supernatural.
The thing is, though, the ban isn't just a restriction on users uploading new pornographic pictures and videos. It's a purge of every piece of supposedly adult content on the site, even the stuff that was uploaded years ago. Of course, users aren't going to flag their own content for deletion. They've opted to instead rage, rage against the dying of the porny light. And so Tumblr has deployed a special filter bot to search the site for offending peens, vay-jay-jays, butts, and "female-presenting nipples."
It's going exactly as well as you'd expect. So well, in fact, that we recommend you browse this article to the least sexy song imaginable, lest these salacious images cause you to succumb to your most primal urges.
Tumblr's obvious beef with Jim Davis aside, we'd be remiss if we didn't point out that this is an objectively bad thing it's doing. The erasure of adult content doesn't just serve to erase spaces where LGBT+ people can explore their sexuality in a safe, positive environment. It also alienates sex workers at a time when safe online spaces for them are being eradicated left, right, and center.
The irony of all this? Tumblr justified themselves by saying that they wanted to make the site "a place where people feel comfortable expressing themselves." It's just too bad that sentiment applies less to people who want to spread images of "female-presenting nipples" than it does to white supremacists.
Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter dedicated to depressing history facts. It's not as heartbreakingly sad as it sounds, promise!
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.
Instagram influencers are often absurd.
Well, this is terrifying.