Disregarding that, WB is confident they still have so much to offer that they're splitting their upcoming streaming service into three tiers: the "entry-level movie-focused package" (all the old junk that isn't selling DVDs anymore), "a premium service with original programming and blockbuster movies" (or as its customers will call it: the DC Extended Universe package), and an all-in third tier where you pay extra to see those companion webisodes companies gave up on in the late 2000s. Boy, that really doesn't like it'll be enough to compete with the slowly emerging Disney+ streaming behemoth, so why not throw in some more tiers? Here are a few suggestions:
- Tier 4: All the classic movies available on the Criterion Channel, but sped up really fast and scored with the Benny Hill theme song.
- Tier 5: We'll tell you where the real Hogwarts is. Promise.
- Tier 6: Warner content will be incepted* into your brain while you sleep (*movie Inception is not included, and needs to be purchased through Tier 1).
- Tier 7: Whenever you watch content featuring Batman, Christian Bale will come to your house and prank call Ben Affleck until he cries.
- Tier 8: Buy this tier or we'll let the Wachowskis make another Matrix sequel.
But the mission here is not just to offer a measly platter of exclusive content; it's also to starve out the competition. With the big entertainment companies choosing to go direct-to-consumer (or, realistically, those consumers' parents), Warner CEO John Stankey warned that streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Video can expect their content to get "a lot thinner." So look forward to a future wherein we once again watch TV and movies like it's 2005, only it'll be ten times more expensive and have buffering issues.