A Pervert Nearly Blew Off His Foot Taking Upskirt Photos

Although the law is finally starting to make it illegal to take photos up women's skirts without their knowledge (an act known as "upskirting"), there's still a sizable number of perverts out there who think it's acceptable to use shopping malls and public transportation as their own personal wank bank. It's a good thing, then, that the Universe seems to have our backs -- at least judging by the fact that one wannabee Leisure Suit Larry recently exploded his damn foot whilst learning the craft.

According to a police blotter from Madison, Wisconsin, a 32-year-old guy turned himself in last week and confessed to attempted depravity in the first degree. It was only "attempted" depravity, however, because while testing out a shoe-mounted spy camera (think about it), the battery powering the device exploded and injured his foot, forcing him to seek out medical attention. (That said, this could've all been some idiotically Byzantine plan to get admitted himself to hospital and in a place where he could surreptitiously upskirt nurses.)

So why did he turn himself in? After being released from the hospital, he had a crisis of conscience and talked to his pastor, who advised him -- in between poorly disguised giggles, it can only be presumed -- to go to the police and confess his sins. The police couldn't do anything with the confession because the guy never got around to committing a crime, but a spokesperson later said that the attempted perp was "counseled on his actions," which is a fancy way of saying "We told him to get off his bullshit before Hamburger Helper-ized piggies are the least of his troubles."

Considering that his brain now probably associates boners with immense pain, we're not sure he's going to be causing any more trouble in the future.

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Disney Is Apparently Making Robot Stuntmen Now and Sad News, Folks: The Shoe From Back To The Future 2 Is Dying.

You really should follow us on Facebook.