5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite Movies

Not all movies were made to stand the test of time, and we're not just talking about those that can't afford to copy-paste Christopher Plummer over every star who's been outed as a sexual predator. A shocking amount of beloved films aren't able to hold up to modern (sober) viewings, starting with ...

Uh, the ones from our previous article. But continuing with ...

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5
Demolition Man Predicts That America's Problem Will Be "Not Enough Guns"

Despite the woefully inaccurate action figure line, Demolition Man was a damn fun movie back in the day. Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes starred in a sci-fi action movie -- not a cyberpunk romance between two star-crossed tough guys, as the poster might have you believe.

The future isn't big enough ... for their love.Warner Bros. Pictures"The future isn't big enough ... for their love."

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Watching it now, though, Demolition Man is remarkably off in its predictions about the future, with a central message that offers essentially the opposite of what we need in this, the actual future. The whole thing plays out like a paranoid right-wing fantasy, beginning with the prophecy that the sin-filled hellhole known as Hollywood will be engulfed in flames by ... 1996?

That's why we call it Hlwod now. All the other letters burned down.Warner Bros. PicturesThat's why we call it "Hlwod" now. All the other letters burned down.

We're supposed to admire Stallone's character because he's a cop who doesn't care about rules. But he, like, really doesn't care about rules, to a dangerous degree. To arrest a lone Wesley Snipes, he destroys an entire building. A thing he does so often that they've nicknamed him "Demolition Man" instead of "That Inept Cop Who Acts Like A Goddamn Maniac."

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesWarner Bros. Pictures

Now the neighborhood can sleep in peace ... because they're all dead.Warner Bros. Pictures"Now the neighborhood can sleep in peace ... because they're all dead."

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Both Snipes and Stallone get thrown in cryosleep as punishment. When Snipes escapes in the future, they defrost Stallone to track him down. Stallone is then horrified to find that the future has been taken over by the most nefarious threat you could possibly imagine: PC culture. Yup, Stallone can't swear or eat red meat, and most jarringly, this movie proposes that one of the problems with future America is that there aren't enough guns around. Even the cops don't carry guns, because they were outlawed after the "urban wars" of the 20th century.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesWarner Bros. Pictures

Ham up the acting by 35 percent, and this is an <a href=http://www.cracked.com/article_25502_6-underreported-reasons-why-nra-are-just-worst.html target=_blank>NRA TV</a> segment.Warner Bros. PicturesHam up the acting by 35 percent, and this is an NRA TV segment.

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Of course, Stallone's character doesn't learn a lesson or change. Instead, his role is to change the minds of the people living in this Utopian future. This is especially troubling because this movie came out a mere two years after Rodney King was beaten by police, and one year after the riots that resulted from the cops' acquittal. Someone saw all that and thought, "Hmmm, cops should be more violent."

The movie ends with Stallone teaching the PC police that it's good to have guns and demolish the occasional building. The moral here is that cops shouldn't have to follow the rules, or be held accountable, or make sure they have consent before macking on co-workers.

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Demolition Man also predicts that all restaurants in the future will be Taco Bells, and toilet paper will be abolished -- so hell on Earth.

4
Crocodile Dundee Grabs Women By The, Uh, Crotch

Before Marvel movies dominated the box office (back when Robert Downey Jr. was less Iron Man and more mall food court bully), the '80s had some very embarrassing blockbusters. Take Crocodile Dundee, the surprise hit of 1986. It was the second-highest-grossing movie that year, handily clobbering classics like Stand By Me and Aliens, presumably because 1980s audiences thought it was about a Godzilla-sized Aussie with the power to bend skyscrapers.

RAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGG'Day, mate.Paramount Pictures"RAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGG'Day, mate."

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The movie is actually about a journalist who travels to Australia (because in the '80s, people in print media lived like kings) to write a story about the rugged outdoorsman who survived a crocodile attack. When "Crocodile" Dundee takes the journalist, Sue, on a tour of the outback, she proves she's as tough as him by trekking out alone -- and he proves he's a big perv by creeping on her from behind some bushes.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesParamount Pictures

He's waiting for her to realize that that's his pooping spot.Paramount PicturesHe's waiting for her to realize that that's his pooping spot.

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Croc journeys back to New York City with Sue, where he has a hard time adjusting to city life. Yes, somehow, watching a guy learn what escalators and bidets are made hundreds of millions of dollars. But there's something even worse than a middle-aged guy puzzling out how to spritz his butthole. While out drinking at a bar, Crocodile Dundee is chatting up a "Sheila" when his new drinking buddy points out it's really "a guy"...

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesParamount Pictures

What's a 'guy'? Oh, you mean a Bruce.Paramount Pictures"What's a 'guy'? Oh, you mean a Bruce."

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Obviously, it's not surprising that a movie from 30 years ago would lack sensitivity in its portrayal of trans people, but even so, the protagonist's reaction is cringey as hell. Instead of using words or make any attempt to, you know, treat this character like a human being, Dundee decides to get to the bottom of things by grabbing her by the crotch.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesParamount Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesParamount Pictures

Wait, that's <i>also</i> not a knife.Paramount Pictures"Wait, that's also not a knife."

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She leaves, angry and humiliated, and bizarrely, the bar cheers for this oddly dressed stranger like his hate crime just won the Super Bowl.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesParamount Pictures

The barman is the only one who looks suitably disgusted.Paramount PicturesThe barman is the only one who looks suitably disgusted.

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Later in the movie, there's even a callback to this terrible scene. Crocodile Dundee attends a swanky dinner party where the hostess has a deep, masculine voice. So again a suspicious Dundee grabs her genitals, in what we now have to assume is some kind of ceremonial Australian greeting.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesParamount Pictures

When you're some random guy from the outback, they just let you do it.Paramount Pictures"When you're some random guy from the outback, they just let you do it."

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The problem is there's never any comeuppance for these actions. The wealthy hostess even acts turned on by it -- probably because the screenplay was co-written by "Crocodile Dundee" himself, Paul Hogan. Which also explains why most characters are either charmed by or want to bang Croc, despite the fact that he looks like mannequin made of old leather belts.

3
The Mummy Treats Women And Arabs Like Literal Garbage

It's hard to be angry at a franchise that gave the world Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as an unconvincing CGI grotesque scorpion monster. Still, 1999's The Mummy doesn't really hold up today. A throwback to an old-school Hollywood adventure story, The Mummy updates the special effects but forgets to update the blatant disregard for basically anyone who's not a white dude.

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When we first meet Brendan Fraser's character, the hero of the movie, he's in jail, and immediately forces himself on Rachel Weisz like ... well, a lot of men in Hollywood, we now know.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

He forgot this isn't the movie where he plays a caveman.Universal PicturesHe forgot this isn't the movie where he plays a caveman.

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She's horrified, but in the next scene he has a new haircut, so suddenly she's super into him.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

Anyone who can pretend to look at Brendan Fraser with lust in their eyes deserves ten Oscars.Universal PicturesAnyone who can pretend to look at Brendan Fraser with lust in their eyes deserves ten Oscars.

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Throughout the entire movie, Fraser's character (we're 90 percent sure his name was Handsome McMummy) treats her like absolute crap, ostensibly for comedic effect. Keep in mind, there's no arc for Fraser wherein he learns not to do this, because acting like she's an object is rewarded at every turn. When their boat is attacked, he saves the day by hurling her into the water without so much as asking:

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

That's not what women and children first means.Universal PicturesThat's not what "women and children first" means.

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And despite the fact that she's an accomplished Egyptologist and Fraser is a dummy with a bunch of guns, he doesn't want her help tracking down the titular mummy. In fact, he's so against the one expert in the group coming along that he violently hauls her into the bedroom and locks her inside.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

I know you'd prefer the kitchen, but it doesn't have a lock, sorry.Universal Pictures"I know you'd prefer the kitchen, but it doesn't have a lock, sorry."

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It's not just women. (Sorry, woman. There's really only one.) The Arab characters are exclusively comprised of offensive stereotypes. They're either greedy and bloodthirsty ...

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

... or sniveling and treacherous (and played by a white guy) ...

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

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... or generally non-people. When the Mummy shows up, almost everybody with brown skin falls under his spell.

They're all huge Boris Karloff fans.Universal PicturesThey're all huge Boris Karloff fans.

So what do Fraser and the gang do? Keep in mind that these are all regular folks who are presently under a mind-controlling curse. Nevertheless, Fraser decides to mow them all down with his goddamn car.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

Sorry, his Set-damn car.Universal PicturesSorry, his Set-damn car.

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Say what you will about the terrible Tom Cruise remake, but at least it didn't end with Tom hosing the blood and viscera of a bunch of innocent people off of his convertible.

2
Peter Jackson's King Kong Shows Pacific Islanders As ... Less Than Human

After making the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, it seemed as though Peter Jackson could do whatever he wanted. And what he wanted to do was remake King Kong, out of a childhood love for the film and, you have to imagine, partly because he's friends with Andy Serkis, and pretending to be CGI apes is pretty much that guy's jam.

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The movie retells the already-problematic story of the original -- a bunch of Westerners journeying into a scary dark island full of primitive natives. But, bafflingly, Jackson somehow makes his movie even more racist than the 1930s version. Which, in a way, is impressive. The sequence in which they first encounter Skull Island's indigenous inhabitants is shot like a straight-up horror movie, with a little girl who inexplicably acts like a zombie.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

To be fair, early 2000s Jack Black <i>does</i> look rather appetizing.Universal PicturesTo be fair, early 2000s Jack Black does look rather appetizing.

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An old woman then angrily hisses at Jack Black as if she'd just finished watching Gulliver's Travels.

Hisss! You were great in <i>School Of Rock</i>, though. Hisss!Universal Pictures"Hisss! You were great in School Of Rock, though. Hisss!"

When the rest of the natives show up, they're even more animalistic and murderous, seemingly for no reason. Jackson films these people as though they were literal monsters. Hell, filmmakers infused more humanity in the Xenomorph.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

Also, we're reasonably sure that's Iggy Pop in blackface.Universal PicturesAlso, we're reasonably sure that's Iggy Pop in blackface.

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The tribe later infiltrates our heroes' ship and kidnaps Naomi Watts so they can sacrifice her to Kong -- not out of survival, as in the original, but because they seem to be getting some kind of voodoo high off of it.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

We finally got you, Nicole Kidman! It's Naomi Watts. Sorry, can't see shit through this veil.Universal Pictures"We finally got you, Nicole Kidman!" "It's Naomi Watts." "Sorry, can't see shit through this veil."

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Again, this regressive colonialist fantasy was made in the 21st century, meaning that turning The Hobbit into a bloated, bladder-testing trilogy of cartoons wasn't even the worst thing Peter Jackson has done in his career. (It's close, though.)

1
The Breakfast Club Suggests Groping And Verbally Abusing Teen Girls Is The Path To Romance

The years haven't been kind to a lot of John Hughes' catalogue -- like how Sixteen Candles is unabashedly racist, Beethoven is creepy as hell, and we're pretty sure Weird Science's assertion that magazines plus computers equal your very own supermodel probably doesn't hold up to modern technological scrutiny. Recently, Breakfast Club star Molly Ringwald wrote a piece about how difficult it was to watch the movie with her daughter in 2018. Specifically because of her unlikely beau, the John Bender character.

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Bender doesn't even ease into his awfulness. Like five minutes into the movie, he suggests that they lock the door to rape Ringwald's character, Claire. How the hell did a Simple Minds song convince us this guy wasn't a monster?

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

It should have taken <i>at least</i> ten Simple Minds songs.Universal PicturesIt should have taken at least ten Simple Minds songs.

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The bulk of the movie consists of Bender harassing and verbally abusing Claire, cruelly embarrassing her for no reason.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

<i>*swoon*</i>Universal Pictures*swoon*

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The worst moment, which Ringwald highlights in her essay, comes when Bender is sneaking under the desks then stops to look up Claire's skirt, complete with a POV upskirt shot filmed in glorious Perv-O-Vision. This would all be bad enough, but then, one-upping the cringe factor, he shoves his damn face in her crotch.

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

The only way to salvage this scene would be to add a HUGE fart sound.Universal PicturesThe only way to salvage this scene would be to add a HUGE fart sound.

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The fallout of this scene? She calls him an asshole and, bizarrely, the only other female character thinks it's funny. As Ringwald points out, despite the fact that Bender faces no comeuppance for this and seemingly learns no lesson, his strategy of being a sociopathic turd works, and "he gets the girl in the end."

Unless this is part of her plan to take a pair of scissors to <i>his</i> crotch.Universal PicturesUnless this is part of her plan to take a pair of scissors to his crotch.

We haven't even mentioned the part where Claire gives Allison a complete makeover in order to impress Emilio Estevez ...

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

5 WTF Scenes You Forgot Were In Your Favorite MoviesUniversal Pictures

Not even the most famous Sheen brother.Universal PicturesNot even the most famous Sheen brother.

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... which implies that women should completely overhaul their identity just to please some Coach-Bombay-like guy. It's also flat out ridiculous, because her pre-makeover look was objectively way cooler than that debutante shit she's made to wear.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

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For more ways Hollywood used to be ... questionable, check out 5 Movie Scenes That Aged In Unexpectedly Horrifying Ways and The 6 Most Accidentally Creepy Movie Romances.

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