Watching it now, though, Demolition Man is remarkably off in its predictions about the future, with a central message that offers essentially the opposite of what we need in this, the actual future. The whole thing plays out like a paranoid right-wing fantasy, beginning with the prophecy that the sin-filled hellhole known as Hollywood will be engulfed in flames by ... 1996?

Warner Bros. PicturesThat's why we call it "Hlwod" now. All the other letters burned down.

We're supposed to admire Stallone's character because he's a cop who doesn't care about rules. But he, like, really doesn't care about rules, to a dangerous degree. To arrest a lone Wesley Snipes, he destroys an entire building. A thing he does so often that they've nicknamed him "Demolition Man" instead of "That Inept Cop Who Acts Like A Goddamn Maniac."

Warner Bros. Pictures

Warner Bros. Pictures"Now the neighborhood can sleep in peace ... because they're all dead."

Both Snipes and Stallone get thrown in cryosleep as punishment. When Snipes escapes in the future, they defrost Stallone to track him down. Stallone is then horrified to find that the future has been taken over by the most nefarious threat you could possibly imagine: PC culture. Yup, Stallone can't swear or eat red meat, and most jarringly, this movie proposes that one of the problems with future America is that there aren't enough guns around. Even the cops don't carry guns, because they were outlawed after the "urban wars" of the 20th century.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Warner Bros. PicturesHam up the acting by 35 percent, and this is an NRA TV segment.

Of course, Stallone's character doesn't learn a lesson or change. Instead, his role is to change the minds of the people living in this Utopian future. This is especially troubling because this movie came out a mere two years after Rodney King was beaten by police, and one year after the riots that resulted from the cops' acquittal. Someone saw all that and thought, "Hmmm, cops should be more violent."

The movie ends with Stallone teaching the PC police that it's good to have guns and demolish the occasional building. The moral here is that cops shouldn't have to follow the rules, or be held accountable, or make sure they have consent before macking on co-workers.

Demolition Man also predicts that all restaurants in the future will be Taco Bells, and toilet paper will be abolished -- so hell on Earth.

The movie is actually about a journalist who travels to Australia (because in the '80s, people in print media lived like kings) to write a story about the rugged outdoorsman who survived a crocodile attack. When "Crocodile" Dundee takes the journalist, Sue, on a tour of the outback, she proves she's as tough as him by trekking out alone -- and he proves he's a big perv by creeping on her from behind some bushes.

Paramount Pictures

Paramount PicturesHe's waiting for her to realize that that's his pooping spot.

Croc journeys back to New York City with Sue, where he has a hard time adjusting to city life. Yes, somehow, watching a guy learn what escalators and bidets are made hundreds of millions of dollars. But there's something even worse than a middle-aged guy puzzling out how to spritz his butthole. While out drinking at a bar, Crocodile Dundee is chatting up a "Sheila" when his new drinking buddy points out it's really "a guy"...

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures"What's a 'guy'? Oh, you mean a Bruce."

Obviously, it's not surprising that a movie from 30 years ago would lack sensitivity in its portrayal of trans people, but even so, the protagonist's reaction is cringey as hell. Instead of using words or make any attempt to, you know, treat this character like a human being, Dundee decides to get to the bottom of things by grabbing her by the crotch.

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures"Wait, that's also not a knife."

She leaves, angry and humiliated, and bizarrely, the bar cheers for this oddly dressed stranger like his hate crime just won the Super Bowl.

Paramount Pictures

Paramount PicturesThe barman is the only one who looks suitably disgusted.

Later in the movie, there's even a callback to this terrible scene. Crocodile Dundee attends a swanky dinner party where the hostess has a deep, masculine voice. So again a suspicious Dundee grabs her genitals, in what we now have to assume is some kind of ceremonial Australian greeting.

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures"When you're some random guy from the outback, they just let you do it."

The problem is there's never any comeuppance for these actions. The wealthy hostess even acts turned on by it -- probably because the screenplay was co-written by "Crocodile Dundee" himself, Paul Hogan. Which also explains why most characters are either charmed by or want to bang Croc, despite the fact that he looks like mannequin made of old leather belts.

When we first meet Brendan Fraser's character, the hero of the movie, he's in jail, and immediately forces himself on Rachel Weisz like ... well, a lot of men in Hollywood, we now know.

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesHe forgot this isn't the movie where he plays a caveman.

She's horrified, but in the next scene he has a new haircut, so suddenly she's super into him.

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesAnyone who can pretend to look at Brendan Fraser with lust in their eyes deserves ten Oscars.

Throughout the entire movie, Fraser's character (we're 90 percent sure his name was Handsome McMummy) treats her like absolute crap, ostensibly for comedic effect. Keep in mind, there's no arc for Fraser wherein he learns not to do this, because acting like she's an object is rewarded at every turn. When their boat is attacked, he saves the day by hurling her into the water without so much as asking:

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesThat's not what "women and children first" means.

And despite the fact that she's an accomplished Egyptologist and Fraser is a dummy with a bunch of guns, he doesn't want her help tracking down the titular mummy. In fact, he's so against the one expert in the group coming along that he violently hauls her into the bedroom and locks her inside.

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures"I know you'd prefer the kitchen, but it doesn't have a lock, sorry."

It's not just women. (Sorry, woman. There's really only one.) The Arab characters are exclusively comprised of offensive stereotypes. They're either greedy and bloodthirsty ...

Universal Pictures

... or sniveling and treacherous (and played by a white guy) ...

Universal Pictures

... or generally non-people. When the Mummy shows up, almost everybody with brown skin falls under his spell.

Universal PicturesThey're all huge Boris Karloff fans.

So what do Fraser and the gang do? Keep in mind that these are all regular folks who are presently under a mind-controlling curse. Nevertheless, Fraser decides to mow them all down with his goddamn car.

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesSorry, his Set-damn car.

Say what you will about the terrible Tom Cruise remake, but at least it didn't end with Tom hosing the blood and viscera of a bunch of innocent people off of his convertible.

An old woman then angrily hisses at Jack Black as if she'd just finished watching Gulliver's Travels.

Universal Pictures"Hisss! You were great in School Of Rock, though. Hisss!"

When the rest of the natives show up, they're even more animalistic and murderous, seemingly for no reason. Jackson films these people as though they were literal monsters. Hell, filmmakers infused more humanity in the Xenomorph.

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesAlso, we're reasonably sure that's Iggy Pop in blackface.

The tribe later infiltrates our heroes' ship and kidnaps Naomi Watts so they can sacrifice her to Kong -- not out of survival, as in the original, but because they seem to be getting some kind of voodoo high off of it.

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures"We finally got you, Nicole Kidman!" "It's Naomi Watts." "Sorry, can't see s**t through this veil."

Again, this regressive colonialist fantasy was made in the 21st century, meaning that turning The Hobbit into a bloated, bladder-testing trilogy of cartoons wasn't even the worst thing Peter Jackson has done in his career. (It's close, though.)

The bulk of the movie consists of Bender harassing and verbally abusing Claire, cruelly embarrassing her for no reason.

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures*swoon*

The worst moment, which Ringwald highlights in her essay, comes when Bender is sneaking under the desks then stops to look up Claire's skirt, complete with a POV upskirt shot filmed in glorious Perv-O-Vision. This would all be bad enough, but then, one-upping the cringe factor, he shoves his damn face in her crotch.

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesThe only way to salvage this scene would be to add a HUGE fart sound.

The fallout of this scene? She calls him an a*****e and, bizarrely, the only other female character thinks it's funny. As Ringwald points out, despite the fact that Bender faces no comeuppance for this and seemingly learns no lesson, his strategy of being a sociopathic turd works, and "he gets the girl in the end."

Universal PicturesUnless this is part of her plan to take a pair of scissors to his crotch.

We haven't even mentioned the part where Claire gives Allison a complete makeover in order to impress Emilio Estevez ...

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Universal PicturesNot even the most famous Sheen brother.

... which implies that women should completely overhaul their identity just to please some Coach-Bombay-like guy. It's also flat out ridiculous, because her pre-makeover look was objectively way cooler than that debutante s**t she's made to wear.

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