4

I Am Legend's Mutants Could Just Wear Hoodies

In I Am Legend, Will Smith's Robert Neville survives because the virus-mutated feral people living in New York City are unable to expose themselves to direct sunlight. So during the day, Neville is free to walk around outside. The monsters seem stupid and cruel, but they're smart enough to realize that the sun boils their skin.

But then we learn that the mutants are intelligent, because they use a lure and a snare trap to catch and knock out Neville. The mutants can't grab him right away because it's still daytime, but as the sun goes down, a mutant and his infected dogs approach while using shadows for cover.

So ... why don't they simply wear some damn hoodies? We know this is a usable workaround, because earlier Neville does exactly that. He needed a mutant to study, so he went out in broad daylight, threw a blanket over one's head, and pulled it into the sunlight unharmed. We see it's only direct sunlight that causes damage, not general exposure to the outdoors. A big, sturdy parasol would open up the entire city for these guys. And even if they couldn't figure any of that out, why not throw something at Neville? He's literally just hanging there. They're smart enough to manipulate him with a mannequin and rig a complex trap using a pulley system and cars, but they never considered the possibility of chucking spears or a few big rocks as he hung there unconscious for hours?

Warner Bros. PicturesI Am Pinata

3

Why Is Every Gate In Jurassic World Big Enough For The Biggest Dinosaur?

You're a hip young InGen executive looking for a way to capitalize on your company's ability to build dinosaurs. You've heard the horror stories about the original Jurassic Park, but you're also reasonably sure that a zoo populated with live dinosaurs would generate enough money to create a life-sized Cocainosaurus. You're not dumb, so you take countless safety precautions to ensure there won't be another disaster. You hire tons of staff, beef up security with cutting-edge technology, and build enormous gates in all of the dino enclosures so that the dinosaurs won't even have to duck when they step through to maul everybody.

Universal Pictures"HEEEEEEEERE'S REXY!"

This was not a regular zoo animal. The Indominous Rex was raised in captivity inside of his corral. There was never a reason for it to leave. If it ever needed medical treatment or something, just sedate it and treat it where it's safely secured. Everyone on the island is surprised when the dinosaur escapes, but that's like being shocked when your dog bolts out the doggy door. It's ridiculous that at no point an engineer said, "Maybe this door should be human-sized, since only humans will ever use it. R-right, guys?"

2

The Murder "Plan" In The Fugitive Was The Stupidest One Possible

Say you want to murder someone as part of a conspiracy to suppress knowledge of the nasty side effects of a drug. Again. This happens to you with surprising frequency, doesn't it? Anyway, this time you need it to be completely untraceable, like when you ran someone off the road. You know your target's happily married and reasonably fit, so how about sending a one-armed dude to enter the victim's house while his wife is home? Fucking nailed it.

1

Baby Driver's Criminal Mastermind Violates His Own Rule For No Good Reason

Doc, the brilliant criminal kingpin in Baby Driver, has one rule: Never use the same team twice. That keeps crew members from getting too comfortable with each other and joining up against him, or from getting on each others' nerves and blowing things. The only exception is Baby, because he drives like a badass, is in Doc's debt, and is a gangly kid with tinnitus who doesn't exactly scream "physical threat."

Doc has implicitly lived and survived by this rule for years, and he fanatically sticks to it ... until the third heist of the film. For the biggest job in the movie, Doc changes one guy, but otherwise the crew is identical to the one used for the opening bank job. All he did was swap out Jon Bernthal's character, who has issues with Baby, with a maniacal Jamie Foxx, who ... has issues with Baby. Was that supposed to make some dramatic difference? He also kept the two Bonnie and Clyde-esque criminal lovers. Shockingly, that backfires!

Maybe this crew was particularly effective, or maybe they were a lot of fun during post-heist Applebee's happy hour, but from what we see in the first two heists, the only skills required are driving like crazy, which Baby has covered, and pointing guns at people while screaming loudly. There's nothing special or unique about this team, besides the fact that two of them are utterly unhinged -- and surprise, that's why the job goes to hell.

Doc also sends his team of maniacs to buy guns from crooked cops without bothering to tell them about the "cop" part, leading the crew to the somewhat reasonable assumption that this was all a sting, which results in a giant, wasteful shootout.

It's like it was everybody's first day doing crime, and none of them paid attention during the training.

Jordan Breeding also writes for a whole mess of other people, the Twitter, and a weird amount of gas station bathrooms.

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For more harebrained baddies, check out 6 Stupid Things Movie Villains Did (For No Apparent Reason) and The 6 Stupidest Plots Of Supposedly Smart Movie Villains.

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