While the idea of Netflix theaters seems pretty cool, is this really the right direction for the company to be going? Netflix has been revolutionary because it's always been forward thinking, moving from mailing DVDs to offering cheap streaming to doing what the youth really wants -- making shows about depressed horses and showing Frasier reruns. So if they're serious about opening their own movie theaters, they should really consider operating them in the spirit of how people prefer to consume Netflix products, such as:
- Offering 24-hour passes for people who know they were kidding themselves about getting anything else done today (includes wake-up service after every third movie).
- Escorting out anyone who isn't on their phone.
- Dedicating screens exclusively to obscure Netflix genres, like "Scandinavian women solving rural murders" or "Movies about teenagers contemplating death while on hot balloon rides"
- Separating the seating areas into a "Netflix" section and a "Chill" section where the armrests have been taken off for maximum ergonomical canoodling.
You're welcome, Netflix!
For more attempts at witticisms and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
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