Ever since the birth of the first sitcom dad, a war has raged over whether or not toilet seats should stay up or always be put back down, because it's apparently a ton of degrading work to bend over and lift or shut a very light circle.
The war is over:
Researcher Jay Pil Choi has devised an equation that finally fixes this grave issue. He's estimated how many times we defecate and pee per day, and he's factored in that men are only really slightly inconvenienced if it's down. Using more thought than anyone in history has ever put into the burgeoning scientific field of "pee prep," Choi came to the conclusion that if the number of women is greater than or equal to the number of men in the house, the seat stays down. Only if there are more men in the house should the toilet seat ever go into a long-term standing position.
So there you have it. Standing pee-ers, if a person ever storms out of the bathroom saying, "Why did you leave it like that?" just keep this chart on your phone's lock screen at all times so you can PROVE to them that you're not some weirdo.
Sorry, stand-up comedians from 1993! You'll need something else to talk about. You just better hope no researcher does a study about why your wife spends so long in the bathroom getting ready!
Remember, the best toilet seats have underglow.
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