5 Horrifying Real Medical Situations That Sound Made Up

Doctors initially thought that the anesthetic might have led to a brain hemorrhage, but they found no signs of injury. It's not anterograde amnesia (the Memento condition) either, since people suffering from that can still learn new skills, and William can't. If that phone he's carrying isn't an old Nokia brick, he probably uses most of his 90 minutes of working memory figuring out how to use it.

The most likely explanation is that he can no longer create the proteins necessary for rebuilding the synapses that store memories, a process that takes about 90 minutes. In other words, William's printing press (the hippocampus) is intact, but it ran out of ink. Of course, none of this explains how poking around a guy's teeth rewired his brain. Well, aside from the fact that the Universe is a place of arbitrary terror, of course.

OK, they didn't conclude "Curses are real, and lady, you got all of 'em." But she wasn't faking it. According to the Canadian Medical Association Journal, the woman started experiencing episodes of bleeding from her face and hands out of the blue, despite no cuts, lesions, or satanic spells (that she knew of). The episodes happen more often when she's stressed, which would be 24/7 for us if we knew our pristine white linen suits could be ruined at any time.

Doctors diagnosed her with "hematohidrosis," which literally means "sweating blood," and ... that's about all they know. It's not even an accurate name, since the bleeding has been observed in parts of the body where sweat glands are absent. They do at least know that she's not alone. A 12-year-old girl in India has the same problem, although she's been successfully treated with atropine sulfate (a drug typically used to combat irritable bowel syndrome).

Biswas, Surana, De, Nat/Indian journal Of DermatologyIt probably also helped that her version of blood sweat didn’t leave her looking like the end of a Saw movie.

In this woman's case, they put her on medication to regulate her blood pressure and heart rate, and it helped, but she isn't cured yet. So basically, her life is still a horror movie, but without the fun "burning all your enemies with psychic fire" part.

According to a report published in The Journal Of Sexual Medicine, the man paid to get the phrase "Good luck on your journeys" needled onto his wang, and got a "permanent semi-erection" as a freebie. Turns out that "traditional" method pierced too deep and wound up giving him something called a "nonischemic priapism." And if you think that sounds bad, you should probably avoid following that link to learn all about the ensuing draining and shunting.

Zargooshi, et al./The Journal Of Sexual MedicineWe assume that being a serious medical journal is the only thing that kept them from adding the phrase “Fucking duh.”

When the attempts to redirect the blood flow in his manhood didn't work, the man refused further treatment, claiming it wasn't that big of a deal (as in, it didn't hurt, and he could still have sex). He was also said not to regret the dong tattoo. Yet another first in the history of science.

Plot twist: He did it himself. Or his body did, anyway.

FilmRiseUnfortunately for grieving parents, that’s not an assumption police tend to make.

While Patricia was in jail, she discovered she was pregnant with a second child, David, who was whisked off to foster care as soon as he was born. That's when he began showing the exact same symptoms his brother had. Turns out both children suffered from an extraordinarily rare and dangerous genetic condition known as methylmalonic acidemia, which is easily mistaken for ethylene glycol poisoning. It's the worst mutant ability ever (after Gambit's).

Luckily, David was successfully treated, and Patricia was exonerated. So remember, if you suspect your spouse is slowly killing you by putting antifreeze in your coffee every morning, there is a slight chance it's not that. (It's probably that, though. You know what you did.)

E. Reid Ross is the author of Canadabis: The Canadian Weed Reader, which is in stores now and available on Amazon or direct from Simon & Schuster. Laura H likes chocolate milk and taking long naps in bed. Follow her on Twitter.

That blood-sweat effect could probably be recreated with a little bit of fake blood this Halloween.

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For more terrifying tales from the medical world, check out 23 Horrifying Diseases You Won't Believe Existed and 5 Creepy Diseases You Won't Believe Are Medically Possible.

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