"Put My Vagina On My Headstone"
After you're gone, what will your romantic partner do? They might remain celibate, or remarry, or start publicly dating their sex pillow. It's all technically their business at that point. But some people can't accept that, like Milena Marinkovic.
She knew she was about to die, and she also knew that she didn't want her husband to look at another woman ever again. And while that's a little mean, what she did to enforce her desire was kind of bonkers. She requested that a replica of her vagina be engraved on her tombstone. "This way you will always remember me," she explained, in what must have been an incredibly awkward letter to read. And her husband, this dude -- this crazy son of a bitch -- he actually did it!
This request wasn't easy to execute, incidentally, because it turns out stonemasons aren't super keen on carving images of genitals onto things. Especially tombstones. Several described the idea as blasphemous. But one eventually did it, which is how we ended up with ... well, that mystifying image above.
Reportedly, the deceased woman's brother had to ask the husband why the bird on the tombstone had such a large beak, unaware that he was looking at a facsimile of his sister's cooter. And while we don't see a bird (it's clearly a sea turtle), we're sure everybody did the best they could under these bizarre, bizarre circumstances.
"Give Everything I Own To ... Whoever You Find In The Phone Book"
When you die, you probably imagine your vast fortune will be inherited by your children, your spouse, or other close relatives. One of your friendlier cats, maybe. But what if you don't have any of those? What if you're almost alone in the world?
Luis Carlos de Noronha Cabral de Camara had a name that could only belong to minor Portuguese royalty, and he had the minor fortune to go with it, all inherited from his grandmother. But he didn't have much else. No siblings he was close to. No spouses or children. No real friends. By all accounts, he sounded like a fairly unhappy man, and spent much of his life on a direct course to drinking himself to death.
But if he died without a will, all his money would go to the state, and if there was one thing Luis Carlos hated more than everyone else, it was the state. But how do you even make a will with no heirs? Well, when Luis went to the notary, his solution involved asking for a copy of the phone book and not blinking when he was repeatedly asked if he was serious. That's how 70 people around Lisbon got a call from his lawyer after he passed away, telling them they were entitled to a part of his estate.
So there's hope yet if you've fallen behind on your own retirement savings. Just live closer to disconsolate Portuguese nobility!
"Start A Woman-Free Library In My Name"
T.M. Zink was an attorney in Iowa with a sizable estate and a fiery hatred for women everywhere. In fact, he hated the fairer sex so much that when he died in 1930, he left instructions for his estate to be divided as such: His daughter was to receive $5, his spouse was to receive "not one cent," and $50,000 was to be invested in a trust for the eventual foundation of the Zink Womanless Library, an institution which would feature books and art made exclusively by people who weren't women, and also wouldn't even permit women to enter!