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The jig is up: Reynolds knows we're all going to be absolutely baked this Thanksgiving. To be fair, the current political atmosphere would make family gatherings completely intolerable without a bit of the ol' sticky icky.

The only people to whom a Cheetos-encrusted turkey looks appetizing are blazed out of their damn minds. Sure, at first glance a powdery orange turkey is repulsive. But imagine how that sucker is going to look after a couple of phat roaches. And honestly, this recipe exhibits far more restraint than my weed turkey, which is as follows:

The Goldin Family Dank Turkey

Ingredients:

- 1 Turkey (dead)

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- 3-4 packages of butter

- 1 box Fruity Pebbles

- 1 "family sized" bag Fritos

- 1 packet of vintage Dunkaroos

- Rosemary

- 1 Lunchable (tossed)

- 1 10 oz package "Bacon, Egg, & Cheese" Combos

- 2 cups "Fuego" Takis dust

Directions:

- Set oven to 420 degrees (hhhehehehe)

- Take a long choof on that bowl

- Set oven to 420 degrees (wait, you did that already)

- Thaw turkey

- Mix butter, Fruity Pebbles, Fritos, Dunkaroos, Rosemary, Lunchable, Combos, and Takis dust in a food processor. Blend into indistinguishable crumbs.

- Jam the stuffing up that dead turkey hole

- Wait, is this a butt? Am I putting my hand in a turkey butt?

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- Heheh, 420 degrees

- Warm butter in your hands while you watch Ernest Saves Christmas twice

- Massage butter onto turkey like a tender lover

- Place turkey into oven

- Where's the baby? WE DIDN'T HAVE A TURKEY

For more check out What Stupid News About Millennials Is There Now? (11/12/2017) and What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (11/12/2017).

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