Oh well, people have to make money somehow. YOLO. [NO, NO, NO, PLEASE, NO-- Legal]
Gene Simmons Owns The Bag With The Dollar Sign On It
Have you ever robbed a bank, only to be wildly disappointed by the lack of bags with dollar signs on them? If you want that changed, you'll have to have a word with Gene Simmons, who moved on from his primary career as a glam metal party clown to put the C in "corporate sellout."
Simmons, the voluptuously tongued front-ghost of KISS, decided one day that he was so rich and famous that he should have dibs on the dollar sign. But he swiftly found out he'd have a rough time getting to use the dollar sign in just any old way -- there are surprisingly strict restrictions on how it can be used. Even so, Simmons was determined to find a way to use that goshdarn $, like some weird Terminator sent back in time solely to bankrupt Ke$ha. So now he owns the closest thing to a dollar sign through trademarking moneybags. Specifically, a single clip art drawing of a bag with a dollar sign on it.
US Patent Office
By putting a floppy-looking bag around the dollar sign, he'd made a totally new thing nobody owned, and so Simmons put together a paper trail and became the owner of this random symbol out of an old-timey cartoon. He's got the rights to use it on "apparel, specifically jackets and T-shirts," and anyone who doesn't pay royalties on that could be in serious trouble. There must be dozens of biker gangs and up-and-coming supervillains who have been thwarted by Gene Simmons' experiences with patent attorneys.
He put a bag on your bag so you can tote while you tote.
When confronted by his very non-rock'n'roll greed, Simmons is absolutely unrepentant. "People said, 'You can't do that.'.... I can do anything I want to do," claims the rock star. "Anyone who thinks that's silly -- the silliest thing I've ever done is wear more makeup and higher heels than your mommy."
But his Mr. Monopoly-like streak of owning words and symbols isn't ending any time soon. Recently, Simmons tried to become the guy who owns the "Rock on!" horns hand sign. He eventually backed off after receiving a heaping pile of criticism from rockers everywhere. He also claims that he owns the trademark to the term "motion picture," which surely must be why no one has dared to make a movie about his life without his say so. Yup, that has to be the reason.
Isaac is on Twitter, and will happily sell jokes to you.
You too can own Einstein ... or at least this Einstein plushie!
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