There's nothing inherently wrong with Wonder Woman's face being slapped on products that are considered feminine -- no one complained that she graced lipstick, lady razors, and froyo. But with thinkThin, the message became: "Wonder Woman is a celebration of the power of women in a male-dominated world! But no fat chicks." In contrast, Batman and Superman appeared on the cover of Muscle & Fitness, which promised to share the workout the stars used to get ripped for their movie. Getting superhero-style muscles is a male fantasy ... and having every woman constantly worry about staying thin is also a male fantasy. The male equivalent to this would be putting the Hulk's face on a brand of herbal supplements designed to fight premature ejaculation.

Marvel Studios"THIS NEVER HAPPEN TO HULK BEFORE! HULK SWEAR!"

Not only was it a bad message, it was a contradictory and impossible one, since Wonder Woman also found herself on Dr. Pepper cans. Go guzzle down a delicious can of sugar to celebrate womanhood, ladies! Just remember to buy branded diet bars to help you shed that soda weight immediately afterwards, because society doesn't want strong, independent women who are also a little chubby!

Think about the kinds of places where a man would wear cologne. A wedding, a date, maybe a big job interview, or, based on the box, a junior high dance. None of those are situations in which you should be angry. If you're getting angry on a date, the next cologne you wear should be "seek counseling" or "agree that a peaceful separation is the healthiest move for both of you." But maybe that was simply a weird, one-off miscalculation. Surely the other Avengers got better slogans?

JADS InternationalWear this and you’re gonna see her retreat plan.

So this cologne is "your attack plan" for a date. You know, because dates are battles in which you must triumph. And if you don't, well ... you could always get angry.

The Gotham City promotion promises "a city that's risen above its past" while accidentally ominous music plays. It comes across like a video that would play in the movie as a plane crashed into Gotham City's jail as part of a plot to help all the murderers escape. "Discover why Gotham City is great again," a slogan that's already aged terribly tells us. Viewers are encouraged to check out the opera house (haha, get it?!), and then we see Bruce Batfleck Wayne sitting on a plane and clearly refusing to do more than one take of his line. The Metropolis ad is somehow even worse.

When a movie villain tells you that it's a great idea to come visit their city, do not take them up on the offer. You're only tempting fate. Even if you knew nothing about Superman lore, Jesse Eisenberg sitting on a plane and saying "We can't wait to welcome you" while fiddling with a toy and molesting the camera with his creep eyes should give you pause. If we can't tolerate a minute of hearing about Metropolis in an ad, why would we spend money to watch an entire movie about it?

We're not sure what Turkish Airlines got out of this deal, because we doubt that anyone left that two-and-a-half-hour slog and said to themselves, "Wow, what a movie! I can't wait to go home and book a flight to Ankara!" And since the promotional videos were short, efficient, and made use of a full color palette, they didn't prepare a single person for the experience that was awaiting them in theaters.

Those condoms were handed out at conventions to promote the movie's Blu-ray release. They're blue, like Dr. Manhattan! You know, the superhuman character who has a purposely off-putting sex scene that terrifies his lover because of how cold and strange he is, then eventually tires of human contact and leaves Earth forever. What could get you in the mood better than existentialism, alienation, and the slow but steady decay of all meaningful relationships? And when you're done having sex with your partner and questioning your entire connection to them, you can unwind with a nice cup of Nite Owl Dark Roast coffee.

Warner Bros.Enjoy subtle notes of hazelnut and regrets of a hero facing middle age.

"Making an imaginary coffee into something real seemed like a fitting and fun way to honor the multilayered world of Watchmen," said someone involved in the product, before shedding their human skin and revealing themselves to be an alien that feeds on awkward marketing copy. Because if there's one word that's commonly used to describe Zack Snyder's Gloomy Slo-Mo Violence Glorification And Remedial Philosophy 101 Rain-a-Thon it's "fun." Get in on the supposed fun by dropping 20 bucks on a ten-ounce can of coffee that's probably nothing but Nabob with the price jacked up! Hey, real quick, remind us which Watchmen character profited the most from unchecked capitalism? It was the villain, right?

They're a $23 billion company that manufactures highly advanced military equipment, fighters and bombers, and drones. So maybe it seemed natural for them to join forces with the Avengers, since they're the fictional world's most technologically advanced paramilitary force. There's just one problem: Only one of these two entities came in sixth on USA Today's list "10 companies profiting the most from war."

Marvel EntertainmentEven their name sounds like the secret identity of a supervillain.

Solving America's complicated relationship with the military-industrial complex is beyond the scope of this article, but Northrop Grumman's products are used on very real human beings in very adult conflicts, while Marvel heroes fight goofy made-up monsters to entertain children. There's also the fact that, as angry fans were quick to point out, Iron Man sees Tony Stark become horrified by the weapons Stark Industries sells and then pivot the company to make ... shit, what does Stark sell now? Smartphones? Whatever, the point is that the very first movie in the Marvel Universe is about Stark making a conscious decision to stop running a company that was exactly like Northrop Grumman.

The details of the proposed marketing campaign were mostly lost when Marvel dropped the deal like a hot potato that could murder kids if employed based on the faulty intelligence of another hot potato, but we do know that there was going to be a comic wherein the Avengers would team up with the "Northrop Grumman Elite Nexus." Get it? The tagline was "Start Your N.G.E.N.s," and that alone should constitute a war crime. There also would've been recruitment ads.

Marvel Comics

Marvel Comics"If anyone knows about 'Infinity War,' it's us."

Wait, why is Vision in one of those ads? Is ... is Northrop Grumman bringing an artificial intelligence to life with the use of a magical space stone, then giving it weapons? Clearly, no one there watched Iron Man, but someone please make them watch Age Of Ultron before it's too late.