4

They'll Deport You Even If You're Trying To Report A Crime

Imagine you're minding your own business, walking home from your shift at the Fleshlight factory, when someone commits a heinous crime in front of you. What do you do? Hightail it the fuck to the police station, right? But what if you knew that by doing so, you would destroy your whole life? That's reality for people like Danny Sigui, who was rewarded for providing key testimony which put a murderer behind bars with ... an unceremonious deportation. Local law enforcement agencies have been trying to rebuild trust with the undocumented community, recognizing that murder is probably a more severe crime than existing, but ICE saw this and thought, "Wait guys, what if we posed as police? You know, the people they're supposed to trust?"

Technically, of course, ICE are police. You just might not expect to find them in a family courtroom, which is exactly where they've been hanging out, dressed in normal police garb that in no way identifies them as immigration agents. It's the perfect cover to catch dangerous scum like abused women who make the mistake of trying to get restraining orders. This has led to a death in at least one case. In September 2017, Juan Coronilla-Guerrero went to his local courthouse for what he thought would be a routine hearing, when he was detained and sent back to Mexico City -- which he left after a local gang put a price on his head. Guess what happened when he returned? Even his wife (with whom he was presumably not on the best terms, considering that the initial hearing was regarding a family violence charge against him) urged the judge not to deport him, because he very well might not survive the trip. And he didn't.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement RIP, JC-G. WTF, ICE?

Sometimes they don't even wait for their targets to come to them. They've been caught knocking on people's doors in Los Angeles, pretending to be conducting an investigation. In Connecticut, they tried to lure a woman to a courthouse with a series of bizarre text messages. In each instance, ICE pretended to be local, ordinary police, like the shittiest kind of Decepticon.

3

They Target Human Trafficking Victims

Contrary to what your friendly neighborhood propagandist would have you believe, not everyone who comes to the U.S. is altogether thrilled about it. Exhibit A: the country's entire history.

It's not just history, though. The American slave trade is still alive and kicking, trafficking hundreds of thousands of victims who are forced to provide free labor (or worse). If they manage to escape, they face an entirely new trauma: being targeted by ICE.

Such was the case for "Ana," an anonymous Central American teenager. Her family had sold her to an American man for housekeeping and, um, other services. Fortunately, she escaped her captors, found a shelter, and began the process of applying for residency. It might seem like ICE arranging transportation back to the country she never asked to leave would be the most desirable outcome for everyone, but would you want to go back to a family that did that to you? Ana sure didn't, and as a human trafficking victim, she would most certainly qualify for asylum. A judge had already ruled that it didn't make sense to deport her. ICE didn't see it that way, though, and instead descended upon the shelter to arrest her, and throw her in a place that is prison in all but name. On her 18th birthday.

WhisperToMe/Wiki Commons It was the world's worst surprise party.

This isn't an isolated incident. In New York, ICE attempted to detain a Chinese woman charged with "working illegally as a masseuse" -- you know, something she obviously never wanted to do. Her lawyers managed to finagle her out of there and into a program for human trafficking victims, but it was a close call. Wanna guess where they tracked her down? Yep. In court.

2

They Can Impersonate Family Members

Like the witches in Hocus Pocus, ICE officials can't step foot on church grounds. No, seriously. Like hospitals, churches are considered "sensitive locations," which is legal speak for "Have some goddamn decency." Reynold Garcia might or might not have known that when he arrived at church at 4 a.m. one day, in incredibly urgent "Holy shit, it's 4 a.m., why am I doing anything right now" need of support. His wife and children had been arrested and taken to a detention center the previous day. And then, to make things worse, his phone started blowing up with texts from his wife's cousin, Noel Coria, frantically explaining that he'd been in a car accident. Garcia then received a call from the police, who told him that he needed to come down to the station to fill out paperwork as part owner of the car. They even offered Garcia a ride.

1

They Snag Hotel Guest Lists For Surprise Deportations

Nothing says "the good life" like a night at the Motel 6 -- eating complimentary packages of coffee creamer, watching complimentary network television, and trying not to get stabbed by renegade mattress springs. Such was the heaven in which Manuel Rodriguez Juarez found himself after a fight with his girlfriend. He was already having a rough time, but it got comically worse when ICE agents surprised and arrested him. When asked how they were able to identify him, ICE said they were "just following a lead" -- i.e. someone reported him. Man, you ever been so mad at your partner that you had them deported?

But it wasn't the girlfriend; it was the motel. Every morning at around 5 a.m., an employee turned over a complete list of guests to ICE. According to Motel 6, this was not their policy (it seems the employees of that specific motel had decided to go vigilante) and they would be prohibiting the practice company-wide. But it bears mentioning that it's not uncommon for roach motels to share their guest lists with law enforcement. After all, fugitives looking for a rest stop don't exactly have many options.

Joseph Flaherty/Phoenix New Times The takeaway here is that if you do a crime, hole up at the Chateau Marmont. They'll never suspect you.

Abraham is a Mexican lawyer, so ICE can't arrest him, but you can deport him to your heart on Twitter here, or look at his art stuff here. Alex Perry is a freelancer who wrote a novel about a time-traveling stalker and a heartwarming kids' book about a boy and his genetically modified pig/organ donor. She wants an agent to help her sell those books, and for you to follow her on Twitter.

Immigrants and refugees have it incredibly difficult. Read the story of Imaculee Ilibagiza's survival of the Rwandan Genocide in her book Left To Tell.

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For more, check out 5 Things I Learned Sneaking Over the U.S.-Mexico Border and So You Want to Be an American: 5 Circles of Immigration Hell.

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