This panda is outta control! Zookeepers are tearing their hair out over her rebellious antics, which includes walking backwards and... that seems to be about it. Still, amongst pandas, walking backwards is considered extremely rude, akin to telling someone to go suck on a fat piece of bamboo.
Meng Meng the panda is going through "puberty," according to the zookeepers. "The reverse walk is a protest against things she dislikes, be it the food or the carers," says the zoo director. Apparently the panda is throwing hormone-addled tantrums, and walking backwards translates roughly to, "Bamboo for dinner AGAIN? GOD. I hate you mom!! I'm getting a tattoo on my buttcrack!"
Next Februrary, Meng Meng will become a mature adult. But instead of getting a bear-mitzvah, she's getting 200 pounds of pure ursine hotness. Zookeepers are planning on introducing her to Jiao Qing, an eligible bachelor who luckily happens to also be a panda. They're hoping that she'll "focus all her energy on seducing her partner." So hopefully Meng Meng will start having some good, wholesome, premarital sex, instead of wantonly walking backwards like a trashy delinquent.
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The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019