6 Justice League Actors (Who Had Hilarious Early Roles)

But while the Dothraki-spewing Momoa has built an entire career out of being the scariest dude in the audition hall, his early work was more about being sweet than salty. We've talked before about how Momoa played Eye Candy #317 on Baywatch, but even before that, he was Hawaii's Model of the Year -- which is a hell of a lot more impressive than being Ohio's Model of the Year. However, this means that there are plenty of photos circulating the internet of the King of the Seven Seas looking like a boy band hunk ...

Jason Momoa

... or enjoying a snow cone with no shirt on (a sensible move, since that blue dye does not wash out) ...

Jason Momoa

And we can see why Momoa's was chosen to play an underwater superhero, as he clearly never figured out how shirts work:

Jason MomoaKing of the seven seas and the six abs.

We're not sure whether DC's plan is to introduce Aquaman's new superpower of using magic eyes to stare into your soul until you feel like he understands every one of your deepest darkest secrets, or if he's going to stick to ravaging people with his big trident. With Momoa, DC got them a man who can do both.

... Robbie had to traverse the harsh wild lands of Australian low-budget teen horror.

Robbie got her break back in the homeland with the no-budget I.C.U. -- a horror thriller so well-thought-out that the writers didn't even figure to set it in a hospital. The poster claims that it's "In the tradition of Rear Window and Saw," which is about as impressive as boasting to be "From the people who catered The Blair Witch Project."

Osiris Entertaninment"From the director who Rented Rear Window And Fell Asleep Halfway Through, But Is Pretty Sure He Got The Gist Of It".

The plot follows Robbie, her brother, and his idiot friend staying over at their divorced dad's new apartment. He gets called away on police business, leaving Robbie to fend off her brother's buddy, who's such a perv to her that he might as well be writing a piece about her for Vanity Fair.

Osiris Entertaninment

Osiris Entertaninment"ICUneedbraces."

Of course, seeing as this is a bad slasher pic, we see plenty of hot young bods before they're riddled with ax wounds. Robbie has to endure plenty of gratuitous shots of her showering, which had to be shot at night because she was still in school.

Osiris Entertaninment

Osiris Entertaninment

As per usual in these kinds of bad horror movies, Robbie has two things to be afraid of: killers and douchebags who creep on her while wearing one of those skeleton sweatshirts that are only really scary if you've ever been assaulted by a Hot Topic clothing rack.

Osiris EntertaninmentWhich in hindsight was perfect preparation for working with Jared Leto on Suicide Squad.

The teen boys keep randomly filming the people across the street. Not surprisingly, their neighbors are doing the typical indoor stuff, like watching TV, having sex, and, of course, conducting cheerleading practice?

Osiris Entertaninment"S-U-C-K-AND-Y, THIS SCRIPT AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI, IT'S SUCKY!" *clap* *clap* *clap*

Then the pervy Jimmy Stewarts start suspecting that one of their neighbors is murdering prostitutes.

Osiris Entertaninment

Of course, their skillful detective work eventually gets them kidnapped by the murderer.

Osiris Entertaninment

Then they get rescued by Cop Dad. Plot twist! He then turns the gun on his kids, loudly explaining he was in cahoots with the bad guy.

Osiris Entertaninment"I love you ... but not as much as killing hookers."

But the twisting hasn't stopped just yet. The dad is then killed by the kid's mom, and it's revealed that she was the one killing prostitutes because ... no wait, what? Was the director bitten by a rabid M. Night Shyamalan?

But before he was the Dark Knight -- hell, before he was even Daredevil, or Gigli -- Affleck paid the rent by delivering Whoppers.

The Oscar winner made his national debut in a Burger King commercial. In the spot, a young and preppy Affleck is driving around town when his phone rings. It's a young lady who's clearly on some kind of tranquilizer asking Burger King to deliver her a Chef Salad. Rather than tell her she A) has the wrong number, or B) has grossly overestimated Burger King's commitment to customer service, he goes along with it. He spots a nearby BK, orders at the drive-thru, and decides to pretend to be Burger King delivery guy, figuring this girl's so divorced from reality that she may sleep with a guy pretending to be the garbage food boy.

Burger KingOnce again, you know it's ridiculous when someone wanting a salad from Burger King isn't the weirdest part.

As the food creates a puddle of grease in his passenger seat, Affleck heads to the girl's house, winking at his own reflection like he's the first college bro to ever figure out how to lie his way through a girl's door.

Burger King"Man, how has no one done this before?!" (Because it's illegal.)

He arrives at the girl's house, naturally expecting that his delivery will get him all the sex. But as he puts down the Burger King on her porch like the hot bag of dogshit it is, his tragically '80s car phone starts to ring. Rushing back answering like he's expecting a call from the oncologist, it turns out to be his stupid cock-blocking dad.

Burger King"Oh, where's the delivery boy I was totally not going to fuck because real life is not a goddamn porn plot."

Unfortunately, seeing as how he's now a full 12 feet away from the beautiful girl he tricked into telling him where she lives, it suddenly isn't worth the hassle anymore.

Burger King"Nah, it's cool. I'll remember her address. I always remember ..."

The ad's tagline is "Sometimes You've Gotta Break the Rules" -- which might as well be emblazoned on the date rapist coat of arms. The only plus to come out of this godawful ad is the time Affleck was forced to watch it on Good Morning America:

ABC NewsPresumably because Michael Strahan is a vampire who feeds on celebrity discomfort.

Cavill plays the dashing Hunter character, whom Little Red Riding Hood (a child) uncomfortably becomes infatuated with, even fantasizing about getting together with him in a godawful '80s karaoke video.

7 Arts International

All of this builds to a scene wherein Future Superman guns down Furry Joey Fatone.

7 Arts International

7 Arts International

7 Arts International"Bye, Bye, Bye, bitch."

At the end, it's revealed to all have been a bedtime story in the "real" world, with Red Riding Hood being told the story of Supes v. NSYNC by her grandmother. Then, in a surprise twist, Cavill shows up as a pizza delivery guy dressed like a fry cook from the 1950s, because this film takes place in all decades simultaneously.

7 Arts International

7 Arts International"Oh, I'm not really a delivery guy. You just got Affleck'd, babe."

After all this, it's incredible that Cavill didn't quit acting to dedicate himself to eradicating the memory of this madness from every crevice of his consciousness.

And who better to portray the reporter of steel than Amy Adams, who has built a career out of playing strong, driven women like Amelia Earhart, a Disney princess, or a demented rich girl who makes someone fuck a horse to completion? That's not a typo.

You see, before Adams was a five-time Oscar nominee, she cut her teeth on smaller roles, the most embarrassing of which had to be her part in Cruel Intentions 2, a straight-to-video prequel to the trashy teen drama starring Reese Witherspoon and Buffy. At first a failed TV pilot, producers simply renamed it, filmed a bunch of gratuitous nudity, and shoved the unexpected sequel into video stores, hoping to score big with the sexually frustrated preteens demo.

In the "film," Adams takes over the role of evil seductress Kathryn Merteuil, and if Sarah Michelle Gellar thinks she's too good for your part, you should really fire your agent. And while the original was most famous for a scene in which Gellar and Selma Blair make out in Central Park, the follow-up tried to outdo its predecessor in the most disturbing way possible. In its Central Park scene, Amy Adams in riding gear is teaching equestrianism to a young lady -- and it gets creepy real fast. To teach the girl the basics of staying in the saddle, Adams keeps shouting "Up and down," "Back and forth," and "Faster," to the point where the girl is straight-up cowgirling that horse like she's a frustrated housewife sitting on a faulty washing machine ...

Columbia Tristar Home Video

Columbia Tristar Home Video

Columbia Tristar Home Video

Adams does not break eye contact for a second, guiding her clearly underage pupil to an unexpected finish. At which point the girl tenses up and falls off the horse, blissfully admitting to Adams "Now I know why girls like horses."

Columbia Tristar Home VideoFor fucking. She's talking about fucking horses. Amy Adams taught that girl the fun of fucking horses.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Gal Gadot was also in Fast & Furious, Fast 5, and Fast 6 so it's ... not all bad?

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