Amazon Will Deliver Entire Homes To Your Home
Have you ever wondered, "How am I going to invest in cheap, deathtrap-like containers to house my ever-expanding religious, anti-government cult?" Well wonder no more! Amazon not only delivers canned beans, toilet paper, and body bags, but now entire "houses!"
The cozy and aesthetically pleasing cargo-crate exterior keeps the occupants safe from rain, snow, or a hail of federal gunfire. It can be locked from the outside, which is a great way to humanely punish your naughty cult members who "want to see their families again," or, "no longer believe you are a god." A window allows them to peer at the outside world, but can easily be obstructed by blackout curtains.
The interior features hardwood floors, a couch, and plenty of space for your followers to display statuettes of you, the God-Alien-Messiah. Even more exciting is the easy transportability of these containers, allowing you to ship your entire colony of devotees to an undisclosed island, if Johnny Law ever closes in on you. But don't take my word for it, listen to these two happy customer reviews. "I plan on placing mine high on 8 or 10 16" sonotubes and welding bars over the windows to make it impossible to break into," says one satisfied verified purchaser. "Steel case: You close them and they a safe [v]ault," says another. Nothing would make for a more serene cult paradise than a field full of metal vaults on sonotube risers, with their windows covered by welded bars!