Monopoly Man Photobombs Equifax's Senate Hearing

Monopoly Man Photobombs Equifax's Senate Hearing

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You've got to admire the acting commitment of the woman who portrayed Rich Uncle Pennybags (the "Monopoly Man") at Equifax's senate hearing. She is the Daniel Day Lewis of boardgames characters. Watch how she adjusts her monocle and wipes her forehead with fake money in a way that makes me believe she truly is a rich tycoon who keeps going in and out of jail without passing go OR collecting $200.

The cameo was meant to mock Equifax's use of forced arbitration in the fine print of contracts, that prevents customers from participating in class action lawsuits. It's an apt metaphor, because Monopoly is a game that teaches people to be asocial psychopaths.

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Monopoly is not meant to be fun. It is meant as a training tool to turn innocent children into corporate demons. The game instructs that success comes from financially ruining your opponents, and forcing unwilling people to pay for your services. No doubt, Equifax's corporate strategy comes from the lessons learned playing Monopoly as children. "I have defeated my friend Timmy at this money-game, forcing him to pay me his very last life-dollars. He is crying now, and I feel a rush of adrenaline. When I grow up, I'm going to start a company that has an effective monopoly on credit reporting, which allows me to collect sensitive data from hundreds of millions of people whenever they try to do things like rent an apartment. Then, I'll lobby to prevent people from suing in case I spend little effort protecting their data, and a breach occurs. I could ruin lives, just like I ruined Timmy's! I AM THE GOD OF MONOPOLY!"

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