Roger Ebert Savagely Dunked On A Pretentious Filmmaker
Back in 2003, director Vincent Gallo decided to make a movie about a motorcycle racer on the run from his demons and called it The Brown Bunny. You probably haven't seen it, and we're comfortable spoiling it because you're also probably not going to watch it. There's an awful lot of rape, and everything in it was a dream, and it is a terrible movie, and you're welcome.
Also, the poster's the wrong color.
Predictably, the film's debut at the Cannes Film Festival visibly shook its audience. Critic Roger Ebert was in attendance, and would later report that Gallo himself apologized to journalists for putting them through the mess. But Gallo denied this, and later said: "I never apologized for anything in my life. I like the movie. I had 100% creative and financial control over it, and if I didn't like it, I would have changed it ... The only thing I am sorry about is putting a curse on Roger Ebert's colon. If a fat pig like Roger Ebert doesn't like my movie then I'm sorry for him."
Ebert -- who, to be fair, probably did devastate a few buffets in his time -- didn't take that kindly. Moreover, as a man with intimate familiarity with his own colon, he had a perfect angle for a response: "Gallo has put the heebie-jeebie on my colon and prostate. I am not too worried. I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."
Lovely! And this isn't just a series of jokes about poop-chutes (you can get those in any other Cracked article). No, something inspiring happened next! Gallo reconsidered his stance and made substantial edits to the movie. And Ebert re-reviewed it, and gave the new version a thumbs-up. It's nice when things work out in the end, unlike most journeys involving the haunted passage that was Roger Ebert's colon.
Captain America Takes On The KKK
Chris Evans, star of Captain America and possibly some of your dreams, is known for being handsome and outspoken on Twitter, often at the same time. He's generally an advocate for progressive issues, and earlier this year, he was pretty upset about the pending confirmation of former Alabama Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III -- yes, apparently there have been three of them -- to the position of attorney general. You see, during his confirmation, Ol' JeffBo had to defend himself against some pretty serious charges of racism -- a process made somewhat stickier by a former Grand Wizard of the KKK, David Duke, publicly advocating for him. Evans wasn't pleased by this particular development: