Anyways, the economists found out some obvious things, like how the words "promotion" and "graduating" can be associated with financial stability, while "divorce," "child support," and "bankruptcy" meant the borrower was more likely to hightail it to Mexico. A more surprising finding was that when someone mentions external sources, like family members and their relationship to a higher power, it can be indicative of a "deceptive language style," since liars tend to avoid talking about themselves. Which also explains why they tend to use the royal "we" when referring to themselves -- something we find ... um ... goddammit.
If You Like Bitter Foods, There's An Increased Chance You're A Psychopath
People who drink their coffee black, shunning the creamy goodness of "half and half" or so much as a single grain of sugar, are seen as no-nonsense, can-do tough guys/gals. Or sometimes as tortured artsyfarts who need to stay up long into the night creating their caffeinated masterpieces without the bourgeois decadence of a whipped-cream-topped nonsense concoction from Starbucks.
Of course, these are unfounded stereotypes without any scholarly basis to support them whatsoever. But if you say that people who slurp their java straight have a higher chance of having the same mental illness made popular by your favorite serial killers? Turns out there's a shitload of science behind that.
It's not just coffee -- liking any food that tastes bitter could be a sign you're a raving psychopath, according to a study from Austria's Innsbruck University. On a similar note, those who prefer nasty beer, tonic water, and otherwise non-sweet liquid fare have a greater chance of showing signs of "Machiavellianism, sadism and narcissism, meaning they were more prone to being duplicitous, vain, selfish and deriving pleasure from other's pain."
So why does drinking a can of Pabst while licking a grapefruit you found in an alley point to antisocial behaviors? The researchers don't have a solid answer for that yet, or even whether it's biological, psychological, or some combination thereof. Also, bear in mind that the study could include the sort of personality types who pretend to like the taste of Guinness in an attempt to look cool, while simultaneously wincing like they've been punched in the gut. In other words, liars. Unfortunately, the researchers didn't mention any plans to investigate further, so until this is all sorted out, we can't recommend trying to intimidate your way out of accidentally knocking over a row or motorcycles in front of a biker bar by gobbling Lemonheads.
E. Reid Ross is the author of Nature Is The Worst: 500 Reasons You'll Never Want To Go Outside Again, which is in stores now and available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
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