Now, Lincoln did track Thomas down for an apology, which was nice ... but then Thomas had to watch the man who publicly ridiculed him go on to become president of the United States.
Lincoln Won A Debate Just By Ripping His Opponent's Shirt Open
Some speculate that Lincoln may have had Marfan syndrome, a disease that causes elongation of the body. While that's yet to be confirmed, we do know that at least one part of Lincoln's anatomy was oversized: his balls.
An early political opponent of Lincoln was Democrat Colonel Edmund Dick Taylor, whose middle name was not unearned. Taylor loved to lambaste Lincoln and his Whig Party for "aristocratic proclivities," and he might have had a point. Beard conditioner ain't free. However, Lincoln was fully aware that Colonel Dick and his Democratic Party were also big spenders. As one of history's greatest orators, Lincoln definitely had the ability to take down Taylor's argument piece by piece, exposing his opponent's hypocrisy with a reasoned and patient approach. But that's not what Lincoln did, and history is infinitely richer for it.
Instead of debating Colonel Dick, Lincoln waited until his opponent was up on stage and already started in on his takedown of those "rich big Whigs," before he sidled up behind the man, and ripped open his vest ... to reveal a fancy ruffled shirt with a massive gold chain, several seals, and all manner of other bling.
via Wiki Commons
Spoiler for the 2020 presidential debate (we hope).
Once again, this drew uproarious laughter from the audience, so Lincoln just bowed and made his exit. No need to speak at all. Rumor has it a young Emile Berliner saw this and immediately began inventing the microphone, just so somebody could drop it the next time a human being got publicly owned that hard.
Stephan Roget does Twitter stuff over @StephanRoget, and does Cracked stuff over at right here! Follow him. Or don't, who are we to tell you what to do?
If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Or sign up for our Subscription Service for exclusive content, an ad-free experience, and more.
For more check out 22 Facts That Shatter Your Image of American Presidents and 6 Presidential Secrets Your History Teacher Didn't Mention.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out The 4 Most Literally Insane Statements by U.S. Presidents - Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook. All your clicks are belong to us.
These men -- these hallowed leaders of the free world -- want to kick your ass. And only Daniel O'Brien can help, with How to Fight Presidents: Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country!