I love the design of BB-8's sinister counterpart. I imagine they drafted up a variety of designs, trying on evil mustaches, evil goatees, a British accent, and finally settled on "spherical Darth Vader."
The only possible script for this would begin with BB-8 approaching a hospital bed, where R2-D2 lies, inert. "My love," BB-8 beeps. "I beg you, awaken from your year long coma so we can wed."
"Not so fast!" cries BB-9E, in posh British beeps. "R2-D2 is my fiance! I have it in writing here! As well as the deed to the old mill!"
BB-8 beep-gasps. "But you... you're dead!"
"Dead? Hah! That fall didn't kill me! But it did give me... AMNESIA!"
The camera zooms dramatically in on BB-9E's face, then BB-8's face, and as the music swells with maudlin drama R2-D2 revives to wail, "NEITHER OF YOU ARE THE FATHER!
The Last Jedi is going to kick ass.
Rejoice, fellow weakling nerds: we might one day get a gold medal for being good at video games. Finally, generations of skipping out on extracurriculars and fresh air to play Starcraft are paying off, take that, mom! But before we get too excited, the president of the International Olympics Committee (whom I think is named Mr. Olympics) said he would draw the line at violent video games. That would disqualify Starcraft, Overwatch, DOTA, League of Legends, Street Fighter, and approximately all other video games. We'd be left with the Sims and Farmville, which is to eSports as dressage is to real sports (come at me, horse people).
I think we can all agree on one thing: if Candy Crush ever makes it to the Olympics, pray the Greek Gods come down to earth and give us a good smitin' or turn us all into trees to put us out of our misery.